Thrill of the hunt.

Ariadne watched as Toshiro slowly came back to consciousness. Since Lyria was still talking with the Master Healer, she decided it was alright not to go rushing off to tell someone he was awake. Maybe it was a bit selfish to want a moment alone with him. They were, well she didn’t quite know exactly. She only knew that she was worried while he was away and that she did not like the way Lyria had spoken about him. And now as his hand reached to find hers, she felt the slightest of fluttering in her stomach.

She allowed her hand to be moved to his cheek and then to his bare chest. Her hand was cool against his warm body. Although he was very warm to the touch his body was trembling. She kept her hand where it was though, not wanting him to exert himself to try and move it. Ariadne thought about getting him a thick blanket. Maybe after the healers were done talking she would be able to leave him knowing someone would be watching out for him.

When he tried to get up, her hand which had been resting softly on his chest became firm and kept him down. “You need to rest till your food gets here. Then we’ll get some pillows to help you sit up. If you want to be back in fighting form soon, you need to follow the Healer’s orders. Healer Lyria was quite clear. You are not to get up on your own.” She may have fibbed a little there but she had no doubt the Healer would have allowed her to make up a lie to keep him from moving.

Her other hand went to replace the cool towel again. She said her next words quietly, “Did you want to die?” Ariadne knew he could get into dark moods and she had thought about her own death before so it wasn’t hard for her to imagine that death might be easier than living. “I thought you might have already been considering it before you left. I hope you know there are people here who do care whether you live or die.” And when she said people she meant herself although she might not be ready to admit it out loud just yet. She was only starting to unravel how she felt about Toshiro.

A few more minutes passed before the Master Healer came over to inspect the work of Lyria and found that she had done a good job. There was nothing amiss. “Thank you for assisting Healer Lyria, Ariadne.” He watched the man for a moment, “At least we’ll be able to tell Lord Rihan the Captain has regained some consciousness.” He paused obviously thinking about what to do next. He would need to go with Lyria to talk to Lord Rihan later. Since the girl needed some etiquette training before being brought before Lord Rihan that meant he was going to be busy all day.

“We are going to be busy for the rest of the day so I think it might be a good idea if you stayed with the patient for today. I’ll have someone else bring a couple extra pillows. Food should be here shortly for the Captain. Make sure he gets some of it down. The more the better and you know how Guards can be about following orders from healers.”

“Yeah they are almost as bad as healers are.” Ariadne said with a laugh. She was used to the Master Healer’s personality. They’d always been easy in each other’s presence.

“You need to rest till your food gets here. Then we’ll get some pillows to help you sit up. If you want to be back in fighting form soon, you need to follow the Healer’s orders. Healer Lyria was quite clear. You are not to get up on your own.”


Toshiro did not like being told to stay down when he wanted to get up so that he could see Ariadne and..well..do something. The noisy healers had brought him back from the calm darkness that had crept in on him and now that they brought him back he couldn't even get up? Worthless.

For the briefest moment, he started to get angry again at that, but he hadn't the energy to be very angry, and certainly didn't have the strength at the moment to do anything more than growl about it.

That it was Ariadne who held him where he was at, flat on his back, took some of the fight out of him. Eventually, and without a thought, his hand returned to hers, curling his fingers around hers. His mind still in a fuzzy mess, Toshiro didn't even question himself as to why he held onto her hand now; it seemed almost instinctual to him for some reason and he wasn't about to start asking such difficult questions at a time like this. Right now, even if he'd wanted to, he wouldn't be able to wrap his mind around such complicated things as relationships.

His eyes closed again, her touch seeming to soothe him enough that his body no longer shook so much. He just had to focus on her. That would cure it. So for the time, that is where he let his focus rest.



“Did you want to die?” Ariadne knew he could get into dark moods and she had thought about her own death before so it wasn't hard for her to imagine that death might be easier than living. “I thought you might have already been considering it before you left. I hope you know there are people here who do care whether you live or die.”


Her words caught him off guard. The Captain's eyes reopened, staring up at the ceiling. The things she spoke made him wonder just who she referred to. He knew the few, but was she also counting herself amoungst those? Otherwise, why would she seem concerned enough to bring something like that up.

Since they were the first words he'd had the energy to speak in days -at least that he could remember- his own voice seemed rather strange to his ears; and it was quiet, "I wanted to die. But I was not trying to get myself killed...

"They ambushed the other half of our team and killed them. Igen's Guard lost many men. We fought with too few. There was no way we could have left there without some injuries. We had no choice."

Still staring up at the ceiling, it seemed as though he had certainly been resigned to that darkness of eternity, "People like these healers are just interfering. I was ready to die. They should have let me."

Suddenly, he was looking at her then, curiously, his eyes found her, observing the beautiful, feminine contours of her face and her cute nose, and eyes he felt like he could stare into for days and still not know everything that was reflected in them. It was that very face that had stopped him from letting go of life in that first day.

He must have been feeling a little more like himself, because he didn't want to admit to Ari that it was her that kept him in this world; it was her face he'd been seeing. So even though he kept her in the dark about it, he managed a stubborn attitude all of a sudden. A bit accusingly, Toshiro shot at her, "It was you. Since this is all your fault, you should bring me my food. And alcohol. Or at least some fellis. I'm still in pain." Oh, she should trust him -soon she would probably want the fellis, if not for his benefit, then for her own!


The Master Healer's approach seemed to sober the attitude issue, at least for long enough to address him properly, "Yes, Please let Lord Rihan know my condition." And apparently that was as much politeness as they were going to get out of him. He was through talking to the man already, and didn't like the look of the lady healer in his presence. In any case, he was nodding as the man instructed Ariadne to remain with him, being in complete agreeance.

If they were going to bring him back to the world of the living without even considering how he felt about that, then he'd make them regret it. At least a little. Anyway, he had his usual reputation to uphold.

She could see the emotional turmoil going on within him because it had outward effects on his body.When he put his hand on hers again, she felt her stomach flutter again. That was annoying. She probably wouldn’t be able to eat now which was equally annoying. Ariadne felt rather silly for allowing herself to care about someone who didn’t want to be cared for at all but she didn’t think she had much choice in the matter now. The feelings she had had while he was gone were hard to ignore, even more so now that he had returned injured. She was trying hard to ignore them but it seemed he was determined to make her feel something for him. Ari just couldn’t admit these things to him and certainly not now. He was obviously not happy about his current situation.

Long ago she had learned not to argue with men about their fights. Evander had such a strong moral compass that she had never needed to doubt his motives or that he wanted to come home alive. The very fact that he was dead and wanted to live and Toshiro was alive and wanted to die made her heart sink a little more. She felt a huge amount of guilt then and piled it onto her own shoulders rather than share the thoughts with Toshiro. He needed to heal and talk like that would not make him feel any better.

Ariadne stared back into his eyes. There was too much going on with him to tell what he was feeling right now. She watched as he dealt with his own thoughts and feelings. Yes right now would be a bad time to talk although she had missed talking to someone who would listen without trying to fix her problem. Everyone was always trying to make things better for her as if it were possible to do so by giving someone advice. Toshiro never told her how to feel or what she should be doing to feel better. He just listened and let her work it out on her own. “Some people would be grateful.” She muttered lowly, not sure if he could hear her.

At first she wasn’t sure what to say, maybe there was some head injury they missed. She doubted it; he seemed quite in control of his thoughts up until now. “I fail to see how it could be my fault. I wasn’t there.” The statement could really use some explanation. “If you want to blame someone blame your Lord and master, it was his fiancé, Lady Eolyn who saved you. She was the only one there with the knowledge to heal you. ” He was lashing out because he was angry? Or because he felt like he wasn’t useful? She had to wonder. Maybe he did not want to dwell on his other emotions much at all so he turned to lashing out.

“You will eat first then have some fellis. Otherwise you might fall asleep before you eat and that won’t do any good. Whether you like it or not, I will be making sure you live through this.” She wasn’t known to be stubborn but she did have a two Turn old child, she knew how to deal with childish behavior. She wanted to lash out at him too for being insensitive but it would have done no good. She was dealing with so much right now that she decided to lay all of her emotions aside. Her tone changed to a much kinder one, “I’m sorry you are in pain. I would take it away if I could. I’m afraid even the Fellis won’t be enough unless it knocks you out completely.”

A drudge came over with pillows then, placing them behind Toshiro’s head, Ariadne got up and helped position his upper body so that he was sitting up, propped against the pillows. “Alright now, do you feel up to feeding yourself?” As she asked the drudge with the soup and water appeared. After the woman sat the soup on the small table next to Ariadne, Ari turned to the woman asking for the fellis to be brought over. “I’m sorry it is not what you are used to but the Healers said broth for now. So you’ve got soup instead of something heartier. By tomorrow I’m sure you will be able to have better food.” If he was going to act childish, she was going to treat him like any patient in here.

When Ari muttered about someone being grateful he was still alive, he felt the guilt of his words, wondering if he was being selfish; but a man had a right to die if he so desired. Even if he lived, he couldn't keep everyone around him happy all the time.

He wanted to tell her that it was her fault! Plainly it was her fault he was here, because it was her he saw behind his eyelids! She had created a beautiful light within that darkness that gave him some hope that this life could be worth returning to. Unable to say such things though, he continued blaming her, wanting to keep her near. If he told her, might she be scared away? What if she didn't see him in the same way? Either eventuality seemed more dismal than blaming her and making childish demands. At least this way, he'd be able to have her by his side for a little while longer.

Perhaps her mere presence was the gift that life offered for remaining. It would be a terrible thing for him if she chose not to be there.


"Heh. I can't blame them because this was your fault first."


Her tone changed to a much kinder one, “I’m sorry you are in pain. I would take it away if I could. I’m afraid even the Fellis won’t be enough unless it knocks you out completely.”

Displeased at that, the Captain frowned a bit, "I won't let you have it. It's mine." Maybe there was some sort of head injury they hadn't discovered yet. Toshiro gritted his teeth against the discomfort of his wound, deciding not to complain. One thing he never wanted was for her to suffer pain, so he would keep the pain he had to himself so that she could never have it. He would suffer it as long as he had to for her sake.

"In that case, would you bring me alcohol?" In truth, since the men hadn't bathed in four days or more and Toshiro had been given alcohol to help with the pain on the return home, he already smelled like it. Blood and alcohol. Not the most pleasant things. The grit of their journey was still caked on his skin in some places that hadn't been washed when Eolyn had tended to him.


Ariadne got up and helped position his upper body so that he was sitting up, propped against the pillows. “Alright now, do you feel up to feeding yourself?”

Greatly pleased when Ariadne moved to assist him in sitting upright as drudge placed pillows behind his head, he still couldn't help but wince at the pain in his side as he moved. "I would like to manage on my own, but I don't think I can." The Captain half-muttered the words under his breath because at first he hesitated to say them, but somehow, they escaped his lips anyway. He was alright with that though, as long as she agreed to feed him. That way, he could enjoy her company even more, and at least pretend that she was being loving and caring for him in a special way that she wouldn't offer other patients.

She looked into his eyes again, was he trying to tell her something? It was her fault that he was alive? She could ask again how but she thought maybe she understood. Was she really the reason he was alive now? Ari thought about this, all the while not moving her gaze from him. He was not giving any signs as to what he felt and here was not a private enough place for them to really talk freely with one another. The drudges here knew how to gossip. “I am? Well then I’m not sorry. Not in the least. You have every reason to live Toshiro.”

Smiling at him, “Still trying to protect everyone are you?” Ariadne took the bowl off the stand. “We can get you something strong.” She nodded to one of her friends who was too eager to help the Captain. Of course most the women were eager to help him right now. Maybe a few were a bit jealous that Ariadne had been given the task to help him.

She took the spoon and dipped it into the bowl bringing up the hot liquid to her mouth, where she blew on it to cool it. Then she brought the spoon to his mouth. “Eat as much of this as you can stomach and I promise you will have your alcohol.” It wasn’t so much a bribe as it was her letting him know she had to follow the Healers orders. He had to eat first before she could do anything about his pain.

While she was feeding him, the other drudge came with the alcohol and set it on the table. It was strong stuff, something they didn’t normally take out for Gathers. It was sometimes used but rarely for anything that was not medicinal. “Thank you.” Ariadne said in acknowledgement. She tried not to think of Toshiro as anything more than a patient for now but she had to admit it was difficult.

It was during this process that Lyria came back into the room. She headed straight for Ari and Toshiro. Plopping down in a chair nearest them, she said, “Remind me never to get on his bad side again.” The woman looked even younger when she was tired.

“Did he have you restocking shelves?”

“Worse.” She groaned. “He had me learning etiquette. Or as the Master Healer put it…how to address the Lord Rihan the appropriate way. I have to say it is a complete waste of time and energy. I’ve never been very good at being proper.”
Ari laughed. “Well you are lucky then you are not a drudge or a Lady but fall under a craft. You don’t have as much reason to deal with Lord Holders.”

Lyria had been laughing with Ariadne. The healer liked working with Ariadne. The other woman had a good sense of things around here and a good sense of humor too. Where some people around here were a bit dry and boring, Ari was not. She wished they had permanent assistants here. Sadly it seemed the Master Healer valued the drudge as much as she did and she had to fight over her with the man. She generally got her way because the Master wasn’t supposed to show much preference, it was unseemly.

Seeing the handsome Captain was with them now, she smiled, “You look like you are feeling better. Ariadne is a wonderful nurse. She won’t allow you to feel uncomfortable.” The girl was talking about a mile a minute but when she started it was hard to slow her down, “Not just here for pleasantries though, I have to pass along some information from our Master. You cannot go back to fighting any time soon. The wound needs to heal completely. “

Twitching her small nose, she looked at Ari and then at Toshiro. “You’ll be needing a bath soon too. It is unsanitary for you to be unclean in the infirmary. “ Lyria wouldn’t mind bathing him herself but Healers weren’t supposed to do that part of the job. She would gladly volunteer if the Master would allow her but she knew he wouldn’t agree. He was a bit hide bound really. “I am not sure what the protocol is for this here. At the Healer Hall, we had some of the old women do the bathing. To prevent anyone from feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed. Not that you would have anything to be embarrassed about.”

While Lyria chatted on, Ariadne had turned her attention back to Toshiro. LYria sure wasn’t shy about what she thought. Not about anything. Even that she found the Captain attractive, was obvious. Ari was hoping that the woman would let him think about this before he had to make a decision. “Healer Lyria, the Master Healer said I am to tend to the patient for the day. Ask him what he wants to do about getting the patient clean.” The whole situation was awkward and she felt herself getting irritated with the younger woman. Maybe it was not just that she brought up bathing him. Maybe it was that she liked Toshiro. Ari didn’t think she could handle more emotional drama at the moment.

Lyria nodded, “Good idea. I wouldn’t want him on my case for a second time today. I’ll be back to check on you Toshiro.” And the healer left them as quickly as she had come, like a little tornado.

The Captain didn't have anything to say to her response to his continuing accusations, but now that she seemed to be going along with him about it, it wasn't quite as much fun to be accusing; so he dropped it.


“Eat as much of this as you can stomach and I promise you will have your alcohol.” It wasn’t so much a bribe as it was her letting him know she had to follow the Healers orders. He had to eat first before she could do anything about his pain.

Toshiro could handle those kinds of orders. His eyes were on her intently as she blew on the broth to offer it to him. Being with her like this pleased him even if the circumstance was less than desirable for him. Eating obediently until the drudge returned with a bottle of liquor in hand, he reached out pointing for it even as he was in the middle of swallowing another mouthful of the broth given to him. Before he could request the alcohol though, he realized he'd moved too abruptly and it only caused the burning to shoot trough his side more intensely. Toshiro wanted to double over, trying to relax the abdominal and oblique muscles that had tensed. He'd cringed through it but not allowed himself to make any other real noise in complaint. Though, he did have to hold his breath for a moment before he could continue, "Fine. More broth."

Obviously he wasn't happy about that; he would have drank half the bottle of liquor brought to his bedside just then if he thought Ari would let him. And when Lyria returned to the room, he was even less pleased to have to stop taking his broth in order to accommodate for her chatter. For now, he was trying to be polite -by not saying anything at all, and simply watched between the two women.


“You look like you are feeling better. Ariadne is a wonderful nurse. She won’t allow you to feel uncomfortable.” The girl was talking about a mile a minute but when she started it was hard to slow her down, “Not just here for pleasantries though, I have to pass along some information from our Master. You cannot go back to fighting any time soon. The wound needs to heal completely. “

Of course he was feeling better -because Ariadne was taking care of him. She was the best nurse for him. He might have mentioned that just then, but Lyria's mention of being made to sit out of the Guard for a while completely distracted him. "I can't follow that order -no matter who its from. In two or three days I'll be able to return to moderate pract..." But the girl didn't seem to care, and must have assumed he was a much more agreeable patient than he truly was, because she continued chatting.

Though he was still trying to dwell on the Master Healer's orders, Toshiro couldn't help but turn a shade or two of red when Lyria went on to talk about getting him bathed. He tried several times to find an opened to jump into the conversation to share his own suggestion as the patient involved, but Lyria was not giving him that chance. So once she'd left, being out of ear shot, the Captain grumbled, "I will only allow for you to care for me." Then, in a more hushed tone, "Because you understand me." Perhaps he'd wanted to add something else to that thought, but that was all that he was able to speak of it.

"About the alcohol..." He might need it once that Lyria girl came back.

When she was gone, Ariadne turned her attention back to Toshiro completely. Her cheeks flushed a little when he spoke. “I already told you I’m caring for you all of today. The Master Healer won’t change his mind.” Ariadne reached for the alcohol when he asked. “Alright. Now don’t drink so much that you are going to be unmanageable or I’ll find someone else to take care of you.” She said as a warning. She gave him the bottle, making sure it was firm in his grasp.

Before she could comment further, Lyria was back and grinning from ear to ear. “Turns out since we took on the Captain’s wounds, we are both responsible for his care which includes making him clean.” And no she wasn’t at all concerned about how they were going to pull this off. That was until Ariadne asked her.

“How exactly are we going to get him clean? Hmmm? The two of us won’t be able to carry him to the bath.” As much as she wanted to help Toshiro out of this situation, there was little she really could do. Lyria was a healer and was able to order her to do things whether she wanted to or not.

Before answering, Lyria rushed off. Ari looked at Toshiro, “I don’t know what she is up to but I don’t think you are going to like it. Now hand over the bottle before you drink it all.” She knew Lyria could be a bit over the top but she was good at healing and wasn’t that the important thing. Ariadne usually enjoyed the girl’s company. The situation with her was what she objected to. If it were someone else laying here then she wouldn’t care.

“Here she comes with help it appears.” Ariadne informed him. Some male drudges were going to help carry him. “Lyria won’t it be painful if we move him?”

“Cannot be helped Ari. We need to get him clean. I’ve sent down to the barracks for something he owns that is clean for him to wear.” She knew what she was doing, even if it might seem she was a bit over zealous. He needed to be clean or they risked further infection to his wounds. It really wouldn’t matter who he was, he would need this to be done. That he was handsome only made things more fun for her.

Ariadne squeezed his hand once before moving away from him. The men lifted him without touching his side, trying to keep him as steady as possible. It was probably a good thing he had been drinking before all of this began to happen. There was a tub set up behind a partitioned corner of the infirmary. The water looked warm but not scalding hot. Someone had been heating water before they even knew of Lyria’s plan.

While the men held on to him, Lyria went to work, taking his shoes off, socks off and moved up to his pants. “now, gently in the tub please.” She addressed the men who lowered Toshiro as gently as they could manage into the tub. ”Ari bring the sweet sand.”

For Faranth’s sake she wanted no part of this however he did say he wanted her with him so she supposed it would be worse if she opted out. Bringing the sweet sand in with her, she gave him an apologetic glance. She really had no say in any of this. Kneeling down next to the tub, she took a handful of sweet sand and began to rub it into his wet skin. On the other side of him Lyria had begun to do the same.
Ariadne didn’t like the way Lyria was looking at him. She didn’t like it in the least but she tried to focus on getting him as clean as possible as quickly as she could. She had the side where his major injury was though she began to see scars and cuts all over his torso. Her eyes moved up to his face for the briefest moment.

Lyria was never quiet she began talking almost immediately about him being clean for his friends to come and see him. “If Lord Rihan should visit we’ll have to make sure you look well cared for. Ari and I could be in trouble if you don’t. I very rarely bathe the men that come in at the Healer Hall, but mostly women and babies and more women who just had babies. I specialize in pregnant women and childbirth you see. “

Ari began to smile because she was almost certain that Toshiro was wishing someone else was talking or that no one at all was talking right about now. She was trying very hard not to laugh at the situation they were in. “Childbirth can be complicated. How many women have you seen die?”

“You might be surprise but many many women do die. They come to the Hall when they are extreme cases of course. I was cut out of my mother’s womb. She died. I guess its part of the reason why I’m so interested. Ari you were quite lucky that you had no complications.” She added, knowing of Ariadne’s daughter and past situation.

“Yes, well being young and fit must help.”

“It does indeed. Although I suspect since your mother had so many children, it runs in the family.”

“My mother nearly died giving birth to me as well. She was a bit older though and I think the travelling they were doing wore her out more than anything. ”

Talking about all of this was sure to make Toshiro bored and it kept Lyria from looking at him like he was the best thing ever created on Pern. In fact the bath was going better than she had anticipated. Mostly she had kept her emotions in check. Besides if Lyria did like him, who was she to get in her way? It was obvious that Toshiro was not interested in her as anything more than a good friend. She needed good friends so she didn’t mind…well she might mind a little but she would get over it.

Toshiro was glad that Ariadne would stay with him as long as he somewhat behaved and did as she asked. He couldn't really find reason to complain about that. The Captain would do what it took to be with her.

Accepting the bottle from her hands, he brought it to his lips, drinking rather quickly. He wanted to get enough liquor in his system but not to the point he'd not be able to control himself and end up killing someone if he got angry again. The liquor however, actually calmed his nerves a bit, so that when Lyria rushed back in, he wasn't too unpleasant toward her.


Even before Lyria returned with helpers, Toshiro was swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He may have received terrible wounds but he wasn't an invalid. He could still move -if he wanted to. Having someone to lean on as they moved to the bathing room was a definite help though; he still greatly favoured that side of him that had been practically impaled, and his strength was incredibly lacking compared to normal. The Captain held his left arm close to that side as if clutching it would ease the discomfort while the radiating pain caused him to limp more or less, since it still caused him to want to double over.

The pain was actually worse now than when he first received the wound because at the time, the extreme adrenalized focus he maintained while fighting diminished everything else -including pain.

By the time all of this had happened and they had made it to the partitioned off corner of the infirmary, the liquor had had a bit of a chance to set in. After all, he'd had little to eat in several days and broth certainly wasn't going to help the effects of it.

To stand there while Lyria got to undressing him, he didn't need the help of the drudges, so he shouldered away from their assistance, trying to keep himself composed as best he could. Of course, being raised in a Guard Training hall, Toshiro had little inhibition about undressing infront of men or seeing them undress; likewise, being a man, he had pretty much non existent inhibitions about taking off his clothes infront of women. Especially after drinking. Inhibition was even less.

The Captain's eyes must have been smoldering as he watched Ariadne, unabashed by the fact he was now standing naked before her. Though...it did ruin his moment that Lyria was present. Toshiro didn't seem to notice the apologetic look in her eyes because soon he started commenting on things that were probably only about to make her feel even more awkward.

It was Ari he addressed, "Since you can't lay your head in my lap, you could just get in the water with me." So things were starting off mild. The drudges helped him into the deep tub and he found the temperature of the water to be somewhat of a relief though his cuts still stung -but the alcohol was helping numb his senses enough, the pain was no longer as severe.

While the women washed him, covering his filthy body in a suds of scrubbing bubbles, he tried to stay quiet and listen to their conversation without interrupting; but Ari was right, it bored him.

The pressure applied to his side as Ariadne's hands scrubbed him caused him to hold his breath for a moment. Toshiro breathed a few shallow breaths, feeling the pain a bit more intensely again, but he was silent through it. Lusty brown eyes met her own as he took hold of her wrist; not just because the applied pressure caused discomfort. Trying to imagine what she was thinking just then, Lyria hadn't noticed yet that he'd taken Ari's arm and her noise was disruptive to him.

"Girl." He broke the intimate stare between he and Ariadne to shoot Lyria a grim glower, "You're such a nuisance. Stop talking. And if you're done, you can leave us." And without waiting for a reply, Toshiro had taken the cloth from her hand that she scrubbed him clean with, and pressed her palm to to his chest, over his heart, where she could feel it pounding. He hardly cared if Lyria was still with them since it was Ariadne his focus was on. The Captain didn't mind anyone else knowing it was she that he prized.

A mischievous smirk found his lips about then, "There's still one part you haven't cleaned yet. You can spend as much time cleaning that as you like...but you won't need this." Toshiro tossed the cloth with sweet sands on it over the edge of the tub, meeting Ari's eyes again intently, and he held onto her wrist. If he wasn't injured he might have even tried to pull her into the bath with him, but doing such a thing was still too physically discomforting to him to try at present.

She went fifty shades of red in about two seconds. The alcohol was doing its work all right. Besides the tub’s water was now quite filthy from his own dirt and grime and blood. “What makes you think I would get into that water?” She said as a way of blowing him off without insulting him or his inebriated state of mind. The Toshiro she knew would have been more discreet about this. Everyone heard rumors about the Guards and whom they were sleeping with. She didn’t want to be another conquest of his or any man’s for that matter. She held herself in too high of a regard for that.

When he grabbed her wrist, she turned her eyes to meet his own. She could sense from them and from his touch what he wanted if his words had not previously given it away. The longer he looked at her, the harder it was to resist. She was actually a little relieved that Lyria had taken his attention off of her for a moment. Ariadne had seen Toshiro be cruel before and he often didn’t seem to realize or care exactly what he was saying. Now more than ever since he was under the influence of the alcohol she had given him, he seemed unaware of the damage he might be causing.

Lyria didn’t particularly like being ignored but she was used to people not being nice to her. Most adults found her to be too chatty. The nicest person here was Ariadne so it didn’t really surprise her that the Captain found her to be annoying now. She was too upbeat to really let people take her down most of the time. She was new here though and had been hoping the fresh start would mean she would finally find a place she belonged in. His words hurt her more than he might understand. Ari on the other hand saw the pained look in the healer’s eyes and shot her a quick glance of concern. Lyria did do as the Captain wanted though and left him with Ariadne.

Even as his hand had moved hers to his chest, she felt herself growing angrier. Ari was not going to let him get away with being cruel, “Why would you say something like that to her? She has been saving your life since the moment you were brought here the least you could do was be polite. You have more in common with her than you realize Toshiro. She has no family and few friends. She was brought up an orphan like yourself. I don’t know why I’m arguing this with you right now, you are obviously drunk.” It might be this was a way to diffuse the sexual tension she was feeling as well.

Shaking her head at his lusty behavior, “Seeing as you were able to pick up a bottle and hold it to your lips, I am thinking you are more than capable of cleaning that for yourself. I will however dry you off when you are ready and see you back to your bed.” She was afraid to say anything about her own feelings. If she did nothing, he would think she didn’t care at all and that was almost worse. She bit her lip for a moment.

After a short pause she said, “You have no idea how hard you are to resist.”

Seeing Ariadne so upset, it made Toshiro angry. Not only because he'd pained her in some way, but because he felt like he'd just ruined anything good they had going between them. Ariadne must really think him a jerk. He'd be lucky if she stayed with him at the infirmary now. That thought of being alone here without her depressed him. The thought of being without her anywhere depressed him, and that sobered him tremendously.

When would he learn to keep his mouth shut or how to say the right things? The Captain felt hopeless and began to wonder again why he'd been brought back to be amoungst the living. He was an animal. A destructive animal capable of nothing else, and how could he even dream that Ariadne would want to be with him when she deserved so much better than he could ever offer her. She deserved another Evander.


Regardless of what either woman believed, Toshiro did feel guilty -now that Ari brought it up- for hurting Lyria's feelings. He didn't openly admit it of course, but remained quiet, listening as Ari berated him for his thoughtless behaviour. In truth, at that moment, he wasn't sure if he cared about Lyria's past. He didn't want to know, didn't need to know, because his only concern was for Ariadne. It was her fault! Because it was she who saved him.

The Captain held his words until he had finished washing and then used his right hand and arm to support himself as he got up from the deep tub. Since the sides were deep, it took some gritting his teeth through the pain in his side to get over the edge of the tub, and when he got there, he stood slowly. It took a moment for him to look up at her and meet her eyes, searching them for any ounce of forgiveness he desired.


After a short pause she said, “You have no idea how hard you are to resist.”

So the barest minimum of hope still survived? Her words brightened his mood again just a little. If nothing else, it gave him something to think about, though he didn't respond right away.

As Ariadne brought the towel to dry him, he let her rub the towel over his body, waiting until he was nearly dry to reach out to her. Taking her by the shoulders, he drew her into him, folding his arms around her, embracing her. Wet hair still streaming rivulets of water down his face and neck, he pressed his cheek against hers just long enough to whisper into her ear -the fervidness of his sentiment probably having been aroused by the tension between them earlier; he could no longer keep it to himself. "It was you who saved me, Ariadne. There was no one else." He spoke her name gently, like a lover, and in his inebriated state, found it difficult not to reveal more.

Using up all his will power to resist doing anything else that might further infuriate her, the Captain took up the clothes from where they'd been folded nearby, sitting on a stool there, behind the partition, to get his clothes on.

In the process, at least one of the stitches ripped, that stressed area of the wound starting to bleed again, but he either didn't care or didn't notice. Toshiro's body was feeling incredibly weary again, and he knew he'd barely be able to make it back to his bed by himself.

Since it was dark outside by now, it would be time to sleep, and Toshiro was grateful for that, even if he knew only nightmares awaited him. Always favouring that left side, the Captain started off slowly to his bed, the weariness beginning to show on his face again though he appeared ever determined to make it there on his own.

While he brooded in silence she felt worse and worse for having said anything. Still it had been the right thing to do. Lyria deserved an apology and now she would probably get one. However the time she had spent earlier trying to make him feel wanted here in the world was likely undone. Ariadne could not express herself as clearly as she wanted to around him. He was acting as one does when they have been hurt. She should take a care to think about what she said to be hurtful as well. She allowed him his privacy from the others getting out of the tub. Drying him off, she touches his skin with the towel as gently as she could.

Despite his searching glances she wasn’t sure how he was feeling at all now or if he wanted to talk to her at all. His sudden movement caught her off guard. Her heart pounded in her chest so that her ears could barely hear what he was saying through it. Ari didn’t know what to do then. She wanted to reassure him that she wasn’t going anywhere, that she cared for him. She had simply lost her voice in the moment he had whispered in her ear. Say something. Say something She felt so lost as to what to say that she lost the moment. If he never looked at her as more than a friend it would be her fault.

She allowed him to dress himself, the silence that ensued was almost filled with sadness for her. She should say something. What could she say? Her feelings were a jumbled mess because her head kept interfering in matters which should only concern her heart. “Toshiro.” Her voice came softly and even if she had not meant it in such a way it was endearing. She moved within inches of him, facing him. “Let me help you.”

Ariadne would have called herself a coward then but she really was so concerned about him walking by himself that she hadn’t thought to be romantic. She came up under his shoulder on his right side. “Lean on me.” And she knew he would not want help or to lean on her but she would feel better if he allowed her.

When they made it to his bed, she helped him up into it. The pillows had been placed where it would be comfortable to sleep. She stood next to him, watching him. She was plainly concerned for him. The Infirmary had grown quieter than before. Her hand moved to his brow where she tenderly brushed back his hair with her hand. Then she bent down and kissed his forehead gently. “Sleep well.” She said, moving away from the bed a little, her hand trailing down his arm as she walked away.

Ari had every intention of watching him through the night. “I’ll be back soon. I need to make sure my parents can watch Thessaly tonight.”

Toshiro wasn't sure what to think when Ariadne said nothing to him for the long few minutes it took for him to be dressed. He hadn't bothered putting on his shirt, but slung it over his shoulder for the time. As he was walking and Ari came up under his right arm to help him, Toshiro felt wanted again. Even if the young woman didn't mean to treat him any different just then than any other patient, her voice elicited such tender, warm, wonderful feelings from him. That right arm surrounded her shoulders and though he didn't lean on her with all his weight, he let her be of some aid; if anything, he was simply enjoying her being so near to him.

Every time that she was near, he felt her warmth radiate through him. Did he not notice it before he'd left for the mission? How could he not have? Or perhaps his learning to walk in the darkness within himself and coming so close to death made her light shine all the brighter to him. That must be it.

When Toshiro sat up on the bed, letting her tuck him in, he'd reached to take the cold cloth brought for his forehead earlier to place over his injury so that it could continue to sooth the area and help stop further bleeding. And...trying to be more considerate than he had been earlier, though his chin was tucked in to his chest, Toshiro's dark brown eyes gazed up at her through straggly wet bangs, managing a soft reply, "Thank you." The entire expression could have been described more like a puppy who'd done wrong, gazing up pitifully in hopes he'd been forgiven.


Then she bent down and kissed his forehead gently. “Sleep well.” She said, moving away from the bed a little, her hand trailing down his arm as she walked away.

She kissed him? Completely surprised, the Captain didn't know what to say or do. Ariadne's faint touch stole the breath from him and he wanted to reach out for her and bring her back to him. Goosebumps rose up on his skin and a shiver coursed down his spine, but he wanted to side with caution so that she wouldn't run away from him, so he kept his hands to himself.

"Should I go with you?" 'To make sure you're alright', were his unfinished thoughts. "You promise you'll come back?"


The alcohol in his system was helping coax him to sleep now that he was laying down again. Toshiro was already nodding off when she left the room.



=====================================================================================
It was in the midst of a funeral procession on a rainy day that Toshiro found himself standing outside, under a copse of old trees whose gnarled limbs offered a small measure of protection from dreary weather. The rain though, was like spit in the faces of those present who’d lost a loved one. Toshiro’s dreams took him back to that time, standing with them.

It was many years ago, when he’d just begun to understand what blood really tasted like, that he was there. He'd accepted his first assignments for the Guard and even disobeyed an order to get his first kill. He was already garnering a worthy reputation. If it was said that only the young could run with such passion, then his passion was dark and ruthless as he desired nothing more than ensuring the absolute protection of his Hold. So to serve his Hold, he raced boldly forward, believing that if only he could strike down all of those who opposed them in some way, their people would be safe, their power secure.

The funeral was for a man whom he’d killed. Having gone there to observe, like a friend -or at least a sympathetic bystander- Toshiro usually had no issue attending funerals yet.. having no words of comfort to offer the family made him feel fake.

More than anywhere else, at any time, there was no way that he belonged there.

Even as the rain fell in sheets, washing over his face, he felt vulnerable and perhaps... just a little bit scared. As if that rain would wash away the thin mask he wore to conceal the ugly truth within himself as the killer, he felt as though at any moment, his terrible deed might be discovered.

This was no cleansing rain. Surely the truth of him would be revealed. They would find out that it was he who’d killed their son, and they would turn on him and they would hate him, spitting on him like the rain. After all, men were not made to kill; it was over many years he'd become a corruption of humankind. Who could resist despising such a man as he?


While other guests filed in line to view the casket and speak a few words to the family, Toshiro felt as though his legs would not move. It was as if they were stuck in thick mud and just a very few moments swam by so slowly though it seemed more like many long minutes. Forcing his legs to move, he filed in line with other visitors to greet the family and give what heartfelt consolation they could offer. Grieving parents, siblings, in-laws and friends, were all there. So many had come to bid their final farewell.

The wailing cries of women filled the air through the sounds of the rain filtering through the trees; every cry tore through his heart. But this was his chosen path and he was too far into his training to turn back. He'd made a decision long ago and if he had to pay for it dearly, then this would be part of his payment. Watching families mourn the loss of a loved one was part of the reason he'd come here. He began learning how to harden his heart and how to close out the rest of the world if he had to.


Toshiro was at the front of the line now. For too long he stood there before the family of the one he’d slain, staring back at the coffin. Had they not seen through his mask? Did they not know he was their son’s murderer? Surely someone...?

No. The rain had not been enough to reveal his secret.

He looked into the tearful mother’s eyes, elderly as she was, she shouldn’t have to be put through such sorrow. There was no recognition in her gaze, so she asked, “You must be one of Sarrend’s friends. I truly appreciate your coming. What is your name, dear?”

“I-I...I’m...so sorry. For your loss.” Such hollow words wouldn’t even reach his own ears through the sound of the rain and of mourning that filled the air. Had he even spoken? Or simply thought the words to himself?

The elderly woman’s considerate response assured him that he’d indeed spoken aloud, but Toshiro could manage nothing more than a hesitant nod before ushering himself away.

After a while, he looked up at the cloud-covered sky, feeling the rain keenly upon his face. Gladly, he closed his eyes, keeping his face lifted to the sky where each individual raindrop could be felt in a little splash and a trickle.

Trickle.

Trickle.

Trickle.



Suddenly the sensation was uncomfortable and Toshiro felt unnaturally hot. His breathing grew heavier just before he came out of his sleep. His eyes opening to the dim light of Telgar River Hold’s infirmary,...it must have been still late at night.

One hand came to touch upon his cheek where he felt the rain drops on his face in that dream. The trickling was nothing more than a cold sweat that had come over him.

A cold sweat and... something else?

Streaming down his face... were tears.

Shaking her head she smiled at him, “Rest. I promise I will be back in less than a candlemark.” He would be asleep but in case he did wake up, someone would be there. That he wanted her around was enough. She would not leave it to someone else to stay and watch over him tonight. She tended to be a light sleeper since she had Thessaly. If anything were to bother him at night she would wake.

Before she could though, Ariadne had a few things she needed to do. She was trying to make her trip as quickly as possible. She did not want Toshiro to wake and not have her nearby. Her walk was fast paced enough that no one would stop and talk to her. She was home sooner than usual anyway. It only took a couple minutes to explain what was going on to her parents. She then scooped her daughter up and hugged her to her chest. Thessaly was just as happy staying with her grandparents. “Alright I’ll be back sometime tomorrow, depending on what the Healers need.”

She had failed to comment that she was staying at the infirmary tonight of her own volition. No one had ordered her to do so but she let them believe that was what was going on. Ari grabbed a quick bite to eat and changed into clean clothes. Then she was on her way back to the infirmary. When she returned Toshiro was sleeping soundly.

The day had been strenuous for her so though she tried to stay awake, she fell asleep in the chair next to his bed. She slept lightly so when Toshiro started to move in his sleep because of his dream, her eyes opened. She listened for his breathing to return to normal but it did not seem to be. So she leaned in closer to see him better.

What she observed was him crying. Taking his hand she gave it a gentle squeeze, “Toshiro, are you alright? You were having a bad dream.” She explained, still leaning over from the chair to search his face.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

For some reason it startled him when Ariadne came closer. In his dream he'd forgotten that he was in the infirmary and that she was there next to him. Of course, when he jumped in a bit of a start, it only tensed the muscles that had been injured, so he couldn't help but suck that next breath between teeth, recalling everything.

Ariadne was right. He was having a terrible dream. As he grew older, sometimes he felt as though his entire life was one big bad dream; but now he could be close to her. Somehow that made everything better. Slowly. But gradually better.

The Captain's hand came up to wipe away the tears and sweat of his dream. If he'd been awake, he would have been able to control it better. Toshiro never cried. He blamed it on the alcohol because he also rarely drank much.

Taking a couple of calming breaths, he wondered in the dim light, how much she'd seen. Though, after seeing him naked and in the terrible shape he'd been in earlier today, crying couldn't be much worse. At that, he supposed there was not much of a reason to hold back much around Ariadne anymore.

When Ari took his hand, giving it a squeeze, his fingers tightened around her own, feeling comforted by even that simple touch. Lowering his voice so that only between the two of them they'd be able to hear, he spoke as much to himself as to her, "It was just a bad dream. Like you said." In an even softer tone then, "No reason to worry."

For a long moment, Toshiro laid there with her hand in his, staring up at the ceiling in thought. Since the effects of the alcohol were beginning to wear off, he was more hesitant to speak what was on his mind. Which, from their prior experience, must be a good thing more oft than not. So, when he finally spoke up again, it was because he'd decided to open up to her because he wanted at least one person other than his adoptive father to understand him -someone who could be close to him in a way his adoptive father couldn't. Rihan also, was very different in his understanding of Toshiro. He and Toshiro had been around eachother a lot growing up and now the Captain served him very closely, but that was the extent of their relationship; Toshiro never talked to anyone openly unless that person was his adoptive father.

Still in whispers he spoke, though a bit absent-mindedly, "It was just a dream."

No, it wasn't. He repeated that thought aloud then, "No, it wasn't. It happened." That's why it had felt so real to him. That is why he cried the tears he had not been able to cry on that very day.

"I can't..." Toshiro, even though he'd decided that it was OK to open up to her, was having difficulty doing so, "It was a funeral. I went to a funeral a long time ago. I was remembering it in my sleep."

Shifting uncomfortably in bed, Toshiro felt awkward holding Ariadne's hand just then, but refused to let go of it. "I killed him."

Swallowing hard, he wondered aloud but very quietly, "Will you hate me too? I knew they would all hate me." But it didn't matter anymore, "I went to his funeral to watch the burial and witness the mourning. I had no right being there. Especially when his own mother spoke only kind words to me." Pausing but for a breath, he continued wondering aloud, "When I pass them by on the streets I wonder, if they knew it was me, what would they do?

"...you saw my scars. Every one of the men responsible died. I am told it's justified? I have always wondered if that's true."


“The first time I ever killed a man, all of my comrades congratulated me. They said I was very skilled. I killed a man in just one stroke of my sword." The sound of his voice was broken by a strained bit of laughter, partially because it hurt his side.

"I was thrilled. I was so proud of myself and I had done so well to keep calm afterwards. I didn't even get sick, like most men do after taking a man's life for the first time.

"But that night, I didn’t get any sleep. I had such feverish chills, and couldn't stop shaking.” Just like the chills that had come over him that afternoon in the infirmary when the memory of their battle came back to him.

Stopping there, Toshiro's eyelids felt heavy. He was still so tired he didn't feel as though he could hold any kind of real conversation. As his thoughts dwelled on that, he tried to turn over onto his side facing Ariadne. Holding onto her hand still, the other went to hold her hand also, cupping both sides of it. Toshiro's eyes closed; it was so difficult to stay awake even if sleep frightened him.

Yawning, the Captain uttered so quietly under his breath, "Telgar holds the key to a very powerful weapon. It has remained a secret for generations and it has been used countless... times to.... serve each... of...Holders." He was drifting off to sleep again, his body so worn out he couldn't even complete those last thoughts, though he would have woken if she tried to wake him.

Ariadne did not know how to console him other than to listen. She let him fumble through the words switching what he saw from a dream to a vision of the past. His feelings on this particular event were coming out now where he had left them buried for so long. He was admitting some sort of guilt over killing the man in the dream. Well it wasn’t like he was a Harper. It was part of his profession to kill people. “I do not hate you.” Her answer was soft and consolatory. His words reminded her of a child who was lost and did not know where to turn.

“Toshiro, no one blames you. I think that you blame yourself. Let it go. Let him go. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. “She tried to encourage him, to make him feel less angry at himself. What could she really do though? He was upset, visibly so and this dream was somehow plaguing him all of a sudden which was not helping in the least.

She had no real comfort for him because she had never killed anyone. She had no intention of doing so and therefore had no idea how great his guilt might be for taking lives. If he had scars it meant he had been fighting men who were just as well equipped as he was to fight. And it was probably life and death for him if the loser ended up dead.

Listening and watching him, she remained silent. He began to trail off about some weapon Telgar had. “Rest, you can tell me whatever else there is to say in the morning.” His hand still covered her own so she moved her chair close enough that she could keep her hand where is was comfortably resting in-between Toshiro’s hands. Yawning she tried not to drift off but found herself just as tired as Toshiro was.