One shit of a morning

The sun coming through her weyr opening woke Belisse that morning. She growled and rolled over, pulling the pillow over her face. Two seconds awake and she already knew this was going to be a horrid day.

"Jeneveth?" she called, not moving from underneath the furs yet. There was nothing from the ledge... the gold was still fast asleep. For some reason that irritated her even more. Perhaps she just wanted to share her annoyance.

She cleaned up and got dressed, giving a rather lurid curse when she stubbed her foot putting on her boots. A chair got the worst of it, receiving a fierce kick that sent it crashing over. It gave her a bit of satisfaction to do so... the noise was pleasing.

Jeneveth slept on.

Perhaps she could find Sh'nar, she thought absently.

Sh’nar woke up early for his run and work out before washing up. He was used to the routine and didn’t like when he wasn’t able to work out. He liked being fit, he had liked it since he grew strong enough to stop people from bullying him at the Harper Hall. Then he grew tall, strong and fit, so now no one really messed with him. One of the nice things about being a dragonrider was knowing that being fit was part of the job so he really was up early, doing his job.

Cymrioth was feeling rather smug that morning, which usually sent Sh’nar thinking about what trouble the Bronze was thinking about getting into. Since their last talk, the Bronze had made it a point to avoid female dragons other than Jeneveth. If he was thinking about disobeying Sh’nar, then the man was going to get livid. Sh’nar tried not to lose his temper with Cymrioth because it was better for everyone if he remained calm and didn’t get riled up. Lately he’d found that much easier to do.

Since the Bronze wasn’t being forthcoming, Sh’nar left his weyr. Maybe Belisse would want to grab breakfast? He mused and headed in the direction of his lover. When he arrived, he heard the sound of a chair hitting the floor in a crash. Concerned but not wanting to pry into Belisse’s private business in case there were someone else in there, he knocked, “Belisse?” Then he opened the door cause he didn’t want to stand out there like an idiot if she was hurt.

A smile lit up his features when he caught sight of her. He couldn’t tell right away that she was having a bad morning but after about a moment he could sense that she wasn’t as cheery as she normally was. “Is everything alright?” He saw the chair knocked over and how flustered she seemed to be. Sh’nar was unsure if she wanted his attention at the moment or not, so he waited to see what her reaction was, fighting back the urge to hold her in his arms for a moment.

She spun around, ready to throw a fit (or a cup) at the intruder. But when Sh'nar entered and said her name her temper calmed somewhat. At least he didn't get anything thrown at him.

"I just woke up in a bad mood," she said with a huge sigh, crossing her weyr and collapsing against him. Now that the rage was fading she found herself very tired. She breathed in the scent of him, sweat and dragon and leather, and smiled. He was truly the epitome of a bronzerider... and she was quite lucky.

Hunger rose in her, and not for food. Raising onto her toes she pressed her lips to his, giving his lower lip a teasing bite. "My mood is getting better though," she murmured, tugging at his tunic as she took a step back to the still rumpled bed.

Sh’nar didn’t pretend to know everything about women’s moods; as things stood she was only the second person he had been with for more than a one night fling. And judging by tempers of the other Weyrlings it must be catching. It seemed to him like everyone was in a bad mood although despite being punched and wrongfully accused of things he was in a fairly good mood himself. Still her mention of being in a bad mood got his mind to working, connecting the dots between his dragon’s behavior and her mood. Sh’nar was pretty sure saying something about being proddy would get him a swift punch in the face.

He held her in his arms, feeling much better about interrupting since he seemed to be making her happy. Her kiss was returned strongly. He felt a sudden desire to forgo breakfast. Mmmm this would be so much better. He moved forward, pushing her back towards the bed while kissing her. Sh’nar only stopped kissing her to catch his breath. He moved his kisses from her lips to her neck, to her clavicle. Lifting his head, his mouth brushed against her ear to whisper, “How is your mood now?”

Sh’nar was only too happy to give her whatever she desired. If he had not made that clear before, he would now. Anything she wanted from him, she could have. As usual, he convinced himself he was here because it benefited him in more ways than one rather than admit his growing feelings for the Goldrider.

Olivier took the steps two at a time up to the goldrider's weyr. Belisse may not have realized it, but her former classmates were well aware that Jeneveth's time was coming soon. And today was her morning to fetch the young goldrider and keep her away from that runner's ass Sh'nar.

So she was incredibly disappointed to swing the door open just in time to see Belisse tumbling into her bed, arms around said irritating bronzerider.

"Oh come on," she groaned, walking in like she owned the place. "You know straight sex makes me violently ill. Get out of bed, we've got things to do."

Belisse's response was to push Sh'nar slightly off her, a glower on her face. "Some people knock, Olivier," she said, voice tightly controlled. If Oli wasn't one of her closest friends something else might have been thrown.

Olivier just sighed and went to upright the chair. "Get lost bronzie, we're having a girl's day." [[Nemeth,]] she called to her dragon. [[Call in the others, let them know Sh'nar beat me to her. I might need back up.]]

Hearing the bluerider’s voice brought an irritated mental eye roll which he did well to conceal. He allowed himself to be pushed aside to accommodate said rude person. “Good morning to you as well Olivier.” He said calmly, not turning around to face the newcomer but standing up and offering his hand to help Belisse out of bed. “Girl’s day is it?” He smiled down at Belisse, doing his very best not to be irritated by the interruption. He had made a bad impression on her friends and he was doing his best to seem perfectly unaffected by their hatred in her presence. His Bronze however was less than appreciative of it.

If they are allowed to treat you like shit, than you should be allowed to do the same.
It doesn’t work that way. We want Belisse and Jeneveth in our lives forever we have to learn to let things like that go when it comes to her friends. He was smarter than he might seem. He could see how them being constantly rude to him in front of her would eventually make her angry or upset. Once that happened they would be practically pushing Belisse into his arms, where she belonged.

“Olivier’s right, your friends are just what you need to turn this day around.” Although he could have done the same, he cared about her enough to let things go easily. He kissed the palm of her hand gently. He could think of a million snide comments he could make to Olivier about it being a girl’s day but he held back. He knew better than to start something. He was a lot more manipulative than any of them probably realized.

“Since your going to be busy, I can spend time with the other leading lady in my life.” Belisse knew who that was, even if Olivier was unaware. He was talking about the light of his life, his only child. Shayla. What was more adorable than a man spending time with his daughter? Oh yes, he knew how that would make him look in Belisse’s eyes and he was counting on it shedding a better light on him. His daughter though was very rarely someone he allowed to be used in his manipulations of people. However Belisse loved children and would want to have someone in her life who loved them too.

Belisse's irritation dissipated under the glow of Sh'nar's smile. "Thank you for being so understanding," she murmured, going up on her toes to give him a gentle, company appropriate kiss. Hopefully Olivier would report back to the others (especially Lance) and they would start to see him like she did.

"You better not be expecting me to run more," she warned Olivier, a twinkle of playfulness in her eyes. True, her strength still needed work, but she was also due a day off from training once in a while. "Maybe we could go to the bar?"

Olivier was trying to figure out a different plan for the day when I'ver's entrance entered, and she fell back a step respectfully. As a female bluerider she was a bit of an oddity, and some of the men were still unhappy about her joining their ranks. She wanted to protest but kept her tongue.

Her surprise at being addressed by I'ver shocked her, and she looked at Belisse with questioning eyes. But Belisse looked as confused as she did.

"Of course Searchrider I'ver," Belisse answered, nodding her head politely. "We'd be honored to join you for lunch." She gave Sh'nar another sweet kiss, the corners of her blue eyes crinkling with how hard she smiled up at him. "Let's have dinner tonight," she said, loud enough for Olivier to hear her. A final smile and she linked arms with Olivier and went to I'ver's side. "Shall we?"

Tashamoretta had been taking advantage of the morning off from drills to go for a short flight with Sionnath. She'd taken the extra harness straps she'd rigged for tricks, but hadn't ended up using them. Instead, she and her green had ended up flying hard and fast through some of the nearby mountains, just soaking up the exhilaration of soaring through the air. Maneuvering through the rocky slopes had been enough of a trick at times that nothing else was necessary to get the adrenaline flowing.

They'd been lazily making their way back to the Weyr when Nemeth passed on his rider's message.

"Bloody bronzerider. How'd he manage to get to her first?" Tasha muttered. Not that she should really be that surprised, given how Belisse's relationship with Sh'nar had been progressing. Despite her classmates' best efforts.

Where are you? Sionnath asked the blue in response. We are on our way back.

{{The bronze one is gone,}} Nemeth answered, {{now both Belisse and mine are with Kiloreth's rider in the dining hall.}}

Belisse, unaware of what was going on between her classmates' dragons, beamed at I'ver. He'd brought her here so many Turns ago now, her savior on shining blue dragon. She was honored that he would come to her for her advice.

"Nemeth hasn't shown any interest in anything beyond the Weyr," Olivier began, chewing her bottom lip. Thinking, she reached out to her blue. [[Love, do you want to look for candidates?]]

{{Why would I do that?}} was Nemeth's confused answer, and Olivier gave a shrug. "He doesn't know what I mean, I think," she said apologetically.

"Joi would have been amazing," Belisse said wit a soft sigh. Olivier reached over and placed her hand atop the goldrider's... the deaths of most of their class still haunted them all. "And I don't see Lance Searching... she might punch someone again, trying to bring the levity back to the table.

{{They talk of candidates,}} Nemeth told Sionnath, now sounding irritated. {{This is confusing. You come help.}}

Lancelle was glad it was Olivier’s turn to fetch Belisse from the clutches of their nemesis. She was about to meet up with them when Raidenth informed her that there was a change of plans and that the others were now in the Dining Hall. Who with? She was secretly hoping this meant Sh’nar was not with Belisse. Your friends and Kiloreth’s rider. So much for a girls day, she thought to herself but was not unhappy. She didn’t mind I’ver most of the time but she had been hoping they could have some time with Belisse without people butting in.

She was walking towards the table when she heard her name and the negative used with it. “Glad to know how I’m thought of when I’m not around.” She said, on the verge of turning around because everyone knew that normal Lance was a pain in the ass to begin with but lately she was even easier to rile up. “Punching people is a liberating experience, you should try it sometime.” Plopping her tray down loudly, she sat and began to mess with her roll rather than eat it.

Joi wasn’t miss perfect from the wing obviously or she would have known T’lon’s coordinates were crap! No one agreed with her, no one stood up against him with her to say that the coordinates were off. T’lon had been a fucking Bronze idiot. It made her angry just thinking about him and the incident. She didn’t like bringing it up. She didn’t particularly care to deal with it. Her anger welling up inside her caused her to stand up and say to I’ver, ignoring the others entirely, “Ask Tasha, Sionnath might make a good Search dragon.”

Raidenth had no interest in Searching. Raidenth had interests that were more suited to battling Thread. She was going to go train. Who needed rude friends anyway? This was all evidence that Sh’nar’s attitude was rubbing off on Belisse. Lance walked out of the Dining Hall not waiting to hear what anyone else might have to say.

Lance was gone before Belisse could say a word, watching her friend with hurt in her large eyes. "I'ver... I'll be right back. And Tasha should be along shortly. I'm so sorry, I need to check on Lancelle." She bobbed her head politely to both of them then took off after the greenrider.

"Lance!" she called once they were in the tunnels. She gave a lurid curse, yanking her dress when it caught on a sharp edge and hearing a loud rip. One of her sunny yellow ones too, she thought angrily. This one in particular had complimented Jeneveth's hide perfectly. "Lancelle, will you stop?!" she basically shrieked, speeding up her steps again to catch her classmate. Lancelle was just lucky Belisse's legs were so much shorter.

If she had wanted to be followed, she would have walked more slowly as all of her female wingmates were a good half a foot or more shorter than she was. Belisse being the smallest. While she heard Belisse the first time she was in no mood to hear anything the Goldrider had to say. Lance knew she had a temper but she didn’t want to talk about the others and if that’s where the conversation was going, she couldn’t handle it. She needed to go and do something, anything but think about them. While some people dealt with the accident well, Lance was horrible at handling her emotions.

When Belisse started to get fairly pissed off and shout at her , Lance stopped, spun around on her heel and said, “I don’t want to talk.” Her voice was sharp, holding on to that moment of rage that had come over her mind. As if that would be the end of it. She never really would be easy to deal with. She was a hot-head and they all knew that. “I don’t want to talk about them.” Her voice had softened. The loss of the others always weighed more heavily on her than the rest of them because they were her wingmates.

The guilt of being alive when they were dead seemed to follow her everywhere these days. With Graduation looming in front of her, it was all she could do to remain sane. “I need some time alone.” When didn’t she though? Alone time was necessary to get her head on straight again. She would deal with her emotions when she was ready. For now, she wanted to go for a run and none of them would be able to keep up with her.

Hurt filled Belisse's large eyes, and she took a step back. Lance's temper was legendary, and she'd seen it before, but never aimed at _her_. "Lancelle, I'm sorry... ," she said, voice wavering a little. "I'ver just wanted to know who was sensitive and I thought of Joi."

Joi who had died in that accident, the one that only Lancelle had survived. And she had never held that against the greenrider.

At least not before today.

"And if you're just assuming that's what we're talking about, maybe that's just you being guilty," she continued bitterly, tears coming to her eyes.

"Believe it or not some of us are still hurting, too. You don't get to be the only one upset." Those words she spat, the anger from this morning rearing it's ugly head once more. "I lost my best friend and I never _once_ asked why you didn't save her!"

Lance was shocked at first but completely irrational as she always was when she fell into her rage. A million horrible and harsh words came rising up in her throat as she forced herself to listen to the angry Goldrider. What did they know? They weren’t there? How was her grief any worse? Because she was there. She lived it.

“I know what you all lost. Do you think I have no feelings? Do you think I’ve always been this angry? I feel guilty every single day. I don’t trust anyone’s coordinates. I second guess every single command given to me and it makes me look insubordinate. No matter how well Raidenth flies or how perfect we are in drills we will always be seen as an inconvenience to our Wingleaders! And I have the other Weyrlings to thank for that. I often wonder if I wouldn’t have been better off dying with them. Then I wouldn’t have to wonder if anyone trusted me or cared about my feelings. I wouldn’t have to worry that you all think I knew something that could have saved them and didn't.” Lance paused, her heart was racing, she could feel the pounding in her face and she knew her cheeks were red.

“f it mattered that much YOU SHOULD HAVE asked!” Lancelle shouted, the pain in her voice was undeniable but it was fueled by rage. Her hands were in balled fists at her sides. Tension was in every part of her body. While she was getting angry tears had begun to spring into her green eyes.

“You want to know why they all died? Is that what you want me to tell you?” She shook her head, “Its not something you will want to know. I have kept it secret from you for a reason. I wanted to protect their memory by not telling you."

"I didn’t want you to know that I DID tell T’lon the coordinates were wrong AND that not a single one of the others would stand up to him with me. NOT ONE. There we were, preparing for the drill, and I knew with the wind and the mountain's position that we needed to come out further away from the position that T'lon was sending us. So I dismounted. I confronted T'lon about the coordinates and no one else said a word. So when T'lon brushed my concerns aside and everyone else followed him like puppies, there was nothing I could do. They were mindless, followers and I hate them every single day for not caring enough about their own lives to do anything about the coordinates. Especially Joi who should have known better."

"It took me longer to reach the destination because I had to remount Raidenth and when I got there I had given myself a little more space because I knew about the wind and I thought even if I was a little further back it wouldn't look like I had completely disobeyed orders. Now I wish I had taken the coordinates I knew were right, then Raidenth would never have been injured.”

The color drained completely from Belisse's face as Lancelle told her story, shocked that the greenrider had never confided in her. They were _friends_. Not to mention she was a _goldrider_. Why hadn't she ever spoken of any of this? Her anger wavered, and she wanted to take Lance in her arms and just hug her until it was all better.

And then she mentioned Joi.

She still recalled the last time she'd spoken to her best friend... she was whining about T'lon as usual. Belisse had laughed it off and told her to stop complaining, they only had a few months left then she could deal with L'rue or Jah'vi or one of the others.

Perhaps she should have listened to Joi's complaints more carefully.

Her open palm cracked against Lancelle's cheek at the same moment a roar came from the direction of the feeding pens. Belisse froze, then gasped suddenly. "Jeneveth is in the pens!" she shrieked, running past the greenrider while screaming at her gold to only blood.