Fools in Love (Tags: Toshiro)

Ariadne knew how busy things were for Toshiro so at first she had not concerned herself with why he might not see her right away after the date they had been on with Lyria and Jungi. Two sevendays had passed now and she was beginning to wonder of Toshiro was trying to push her away again or maybe he really was that busy? The young drudge had a hard time believing he would not make time for her if he wanted to see her. Even if he only saw her for a few minutes it would be better than this complete absence.

After talking herself in and out of going to see him at the Barracks a million times, she finally decided she had to. As much as she convinced herself she was going to check on him because of his own mental health, she was also doing it for her own. She had not chosen her feelings for him. They had happened on their own and now they were going to trouble her until she convinced Toshiro that no amount of pushing her away was going to make things better. In fact the more he pushed her away the more painful it was for both of them.

What had she been expecting though? He wasn’t known to have honorable relationships with women. He probably had no idea how to proceed with her. Maybe she was expecting him to know how to pursue her and he simply did not know? Ariadne felt this relationship was completely different from her other one. Each relationship was going to be different. She didn’t know how to help Toshiro understand that she was not asking him for anything. Except for one thing, his heart, in return for her own which he seemed to have stolen before she realized it was gone.

It was a quiet evening and she had her suspicions as to where to find the Captain. Although he could really be anywhere, she would look there first. Ariadne climbed the stairs up to the place where she had watched stars with Toshiro in the past. Even if he wasn’t there, she could always sit there and think some more because she was starting to lose some of the gumption she had on the walk over. What exactly was her purpose of coming here?

Wasn’t that what her mother had asked before Ari had left the house. She had put Thessaly to bed and cleaned herself up, making sure she wasn’t dressed up just clean. She didn’t want anyone to think she was up to something that could be considered dishonorable. And her mother was probably right when she said that a man should pursue a woman and she was wasting her time going to look for him. Ari couldn’t help herself. Now she would be the fool but wasn’t everyone a fool when they were in love?

Well Ariadne had been right. She assumed that Toshiro might be found sitting under the stars, and he was.. sort of. Instead of sitting on the top step as he usually did however, Toshiro sat on the porch, back leaned against a pillar there, off to one side of the stairs leading up. Of course, he'd had both legs half way drawn to him, but only one drawn toward his chest, both his weapons characteristically resting under his right hand where they leaned into that same shoulder. His eyes were closed, head resting back against the column even as he heard someone approaching. The steps were light though, and he could only imagine one person he knew, who would be coming to this particular place at this time of night -Ariadne.

He'd been somewhat avoiding contact with her after the date because he'd gone back to feeling as though he should push her further away, not draw her in close. It all went back to his fears about the time that his Swords Master would reappear. So how could he promise to make her happy if in the future all he could do is make her sad again. Toshiro had been struggling with doubts about his ability to do all for Ariadne that she needed him to. Especially after Jungi approached him with that same accusation -that he'd be incapable of fulfilling her needs as a woman seeking a healthy loving relationship. Maybe Jungi had been right. Maybe it would be better if they simply never saw eachother at all...

Even thinking those thoughts made his heart sink even lower, so his eyes fluttered open just enough that he could peer around the bend of the column to see that it was Ariadne who'd come to join him. When he saw her, his heart took flight again. He couldn't help but smile. "I thought it might be you." Adjusting how he sat a bit so that he could turn a bit to face her more fully, he brought his feet to rest on the top step as she was on her way up.

If he didn’t want her, his face was telling a different story altogether. Was he truly happy to see her? She wondered because he had been so very distant. She came walking towards him as if she was pulled to him by an invisible string. She wanted to smile in return but there were a few things she should say first before she caught herself giving in to his dark emotions. She stood on the top step, unsmiling. “I wanted to talk to you. I thought this might be a good place to find you since you seem to be hard to find lately.”

Ariadne didn’t want to be upset but she found it hard to believe he couldn’t have stopped by to see her at all the last couple sevendays. Her mother’s words echoing in her ears. “My mother said I shouldn’t come but you know how good I am at following her instructions. She is right, I probably shouldn’t be here. No doubt you came here to be alone.” To think about something that didn’t concern her probably. Why shouldn’t his thoughts concern her though? He loved her, she felt it. She could see it in the way he smiled at her, a smile that was reflected in his eyes.

She lifted her gaze up to the stars. “I suppose you think you are doing what is right.” She kept her head tilted to the sky, so he could not see the pain in her eyes. Her throat tightened, “I don’t expect you to understand without my explanation.” She paused taking in a breath of air. “I do not care how long you think you have to live. I will love you until the day that you do die and when that happens I want to know that I have spent all the time I could have spent with you.” She wondered if he could grasp that she had regrets that she hadn’t spent as much time as she could with Evander when he was alive.

Her head tilted back down so that she could look him in the eyes, “Do you understand the depth of my feeling?" Her words were more like thoughts now, "I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. When I go about my day I feel like I’m watching myself from outside my body. I miss you whenever I’m apart from you.” Ariadne wondered if maybe her words would only push him further. She wasn’t sure if he would understand her the way she needed him to. Love was not some passing fancy for her. It was true and deep and nothing on Pern would change who had her heart now.

Would it be possible...to go back to not knowing the feeling of love that existed between them?

It hurt Toshiro the more that she spoke to him of her feelings.. the more deeply she admitted she felt for him, the more painful it was becoming for him. How could love hurt so much? Toshiro wanted to accept her heart and her love wholly and be able to give his in return, but he'd already shared with her why he felt unable to do so. He harboured so many fears and self doubts...He didn't want to be without her, but perhaps, in a way, so much of his life had been lived neglecting any thought of love and affection it made it even more difficult to accept her now, when she was pouring her heart out to him. Perhaps that's what really made it scary for him. Perhaps that's what would make it all the easier to deny any or all of it.

He wouldn't let anyone else have her though! Not Jungi, not anyone. That was all very selfish of him, but he couldn't. He couldn't give her what she wanted right now either. He wanted to give her his heart when he felt like he could do it wholeheartedly. Again, it was selfish, but she would have to wait. Toshiro couldn't ask for her to wait for him to be 'ready' though, because she'd already admitted that she would only have it one way -if they were going to be in love, she would spend all the time she had with him. She would devote everything to him. How could he let her do that in his current situation?

Wouldn't doing such a thing only cause him more distraction and then surely when his Master returned, he wouldn't be ready for the final test he'd be given. Surely? His focus could only be on that one thing right now, outside of his duties as a Captain. And...he couldn't help but think Jungi had been right. If he let her come any closer, he would take hold of her and never let her go, and then, one day, he would end up hurting her even more deeply than if he simply broke things off now.

Toshiro couldn't allow himself to love her wholly and truly like that at a time like this. He had hardened his heart long ago. He was smiling softly back at her still, though the expression she wore was somber, forcing himself to speak the words that he himself could not believe, "Ariadne. I appreciate all that you have done for me. You saved my life. Many times." But I feel like I have nothing to offer you but more sadness. You deserve better than what this guardsman can offer.

Toshiro stood from where he'd been sitting, right on that top step. "I think that you may have misunderstood my feelings for you though. Heh. Don't tell me this is all because of that time in the infirmary..when I was drinking...the bath and all? Or our double date? It was a goodbye party for a friend. He is the one who invited you anyway. Dates really aren't my thing." The expression behind those eyes had wavered at first, but now, solidifying there, was something much more despicable. Could he really have felt this way all this time? True, he'd never openly voiced to her how he felt about her... so he added, just to make it all the more convincing, "Every man needs at least one friend with benefits."

Saying those words, Toshiro felt not only that his heart was hard, but also cold. He felt so rotten and frigid, it was as though, if he were to cry, his tears might become like snow. And he did want to cry. It was very difficult for him to hold the perfectly honest, serious expression that followed. The expression of a liar and a killer, cold and distant somehow, even if he was standing close enough to touch her; he wanted to become someone that she could hate more easily.

To try and convince them both of those feelings, Toshiro took her by the arm and pulled her up the last couple of stairs, kissing her lips fervidly. "Do you feel anything for me still? I can't love you. I've told you that I can't have someone in my life! There can never be anyone!" Toshiro kissed her again and then spun her around, pushing her against the closed doors of the Guard Hall with his free, right hand.

Toshiro was so angry with himself.. and with the whole situation he couldn't help himself. He had to make her understand his lie quickly so that he wouldn't crack in front of her. He had to push her away effectively and soon. Ariadne had already come so close to breaking him...he wanted that... more than anything. But everything they'd been through together must have been too little too late. "Let me help you understand."

With just that one hand, Toshiro had effectively pinned her into place where he could kiss her one more. And he kissed her again and again, but it was not kind in the way he did it, even if each kiss, as it trailed down her neck, was more and more sensual. Toshiro pressed himself against her so that she could feel his desire for her growing in his lower extremities. "This. This is what any man would feel. But somehow, now that you know my true feelings, I'm not sure you'll be as willing a partner." Just as abruptly as he'd begun, Toshiro turned from her, taking a few steps away, his breath just as bothered as his emotions were.

Her doubts were coming now to the forefront of her mind as he explained that he could not love anyone. Maybe he never had feelings for her? Maybe they were imagined? Even as he assured her of this, that he never wanted her for anything more than sex, it was hard for her to believe. She was the one who had spoken of her feelings. She was the one who had allowed herself to be vulnerable to the hurt he was now inflicting on her. Didn’t he understand that she had no control over how she felt now? She was inexplicably drawn to him. In some ways she understood him better than he may have realized and she could somehow see that this was all a ruse to make her believe he would do something to her without having any feeling for her whatsoever.

Her face was blank of emotion because she did not know what to feel. Ari was confused. He wanted her to leave him alone and not be around while at the same time he was drawing her to him. At first the heat of his mouth on hers caused her to reciprocate. She did want him in a sexual way as well although for her; it always coincided with her emotions. She would never have relations with a man she did not love. And despite him being an asshole right at the moment, she did love him.

As much as she wanted him to kiss her, the roughness he was presenting to her, the side of him that could be ruthless and cold kept her from returning them now. She was not strong enough to resist him physically even if the thought of slapping him right now would make her feel better. Allowing herself to go almost limp in his arms, her eyes stared into his. Tears were in her eyes as she spoke to him, “I see now. You do not have the courage to love me; to endure the good and the bad that comes with giving your heart to another person. Nevertheless my heart is yours, whether you want it or can give anything in return for it.”

Her hand reached up to cup his face, “Toshiro I know you liked me before you went off and almost got yourself killed so no, the infirmary was not what clued me in to your now denied feelings. You came to tell me, no one else, me, about your mission. Do you remember?” She had hugged him and told him not to take unnecessary risks, which of course he had. “And I don’t think the date was proof of anything other than Jungi’s feelings.” She wanted him to see their relationship as it was, not as he had twisted it in his mind.

“Sometimes I sense your feelings.” She said softly, “I don’t know why or how. I simply know. Right now I know you care about me and it is for this reason you are pushing me away. I don’t understand why exactly but I know that you are. So I’m going to leave and I’m going to give you space and I’m going to try to live a normal life but what I said before is still true.” The few tears she had allowed to fall were streaming down her face. He should let her go now, she thought, but she almost wished he wouldn’t.

“I see now. You do not have the courage to love me; to endure the good and the bad that comes with giving your heart to another person. Nevertheless my heart is yours, whether you want it or can give anything in return for it.”


Why? Why those words? Toshiro almost walked away when she hit right on the mark. She knew that he cared for her deeply. Ariadne knew that he was trying to protect her by pushing her away and yet she insisted on coming closer. She was giving him her unconditional love, and she was telling him that even if he felt unable to reciprocate, none of that mattered; she would still be there for him, giving him her love. No matter how hard he worked to deny her.

A thought struck Toshiro then, that Ariadne would never leave him. The sweet, dear woman would never leave him as had the one who left him here. On top of all the other fears and doubts, there was always that lone memory of the faceless one who'd brought him to and abandoned him at Telgar who, for turns during his growing up, he'd waited for to return. But Ariadne was giving him her promise that no matter what, she would be there.

Why did she have to make things so difficult?! Toshiro went to land another kiss on her lips, finding himself unable not to love her. She was beautiful to him, and even if she didn't think she had any significant strength, she was at least strong enough to put up with him. And if Toshiro didn't walk away now, he knew he would end up giving in.

The Captain raised that right hand so that it rested softly along the side of her neck and back of her head, fingers disappearing through her curly mass of hair. He swallowed hard, trying to sort through the emotions she kept pushing at him. "Why? You're breaking me." But it was no use fighting it. She'd won already. "How?"

The questions though, were all lost behind lips kept busy with another round of kisses, this time made much more affectionate. Toshiro was still upset that she was winning; that she wouldn't let him walk away. Because even if he did, she would only continue loving him. He found himself loving her more for it -and being more angry at her for it! How could she have put him in such a stalemate?

Grabbing at the door handle, Toshiro pulled the door next to them open, placing his back to it to hold it ajar while he took Ariadne by the arm again, drawing her into the Guard Hall. His weapons were quickly discarded and the door closed behind them, whereas the Captain put Ariadne against the nearest wall again, his hands moving with none of the hesitation shown during their previous such encounters. While his lips relished the taste of her own through another deep kiss, those hands moved to work the lacings of her dress so that it became loose enough to fall from her shoulders and hips easily.

But before he made a move to remove the garment from her, he paused where his heated breath could be felt against her ear; and of course, she could feel the arousal and growing need through the tension in his body pressing against her. "I will be gentle with you...I don't know...if I'll be able to be the kind of man you need me to be. But I will love you. I do love you. I have been loving you. Why must you insist on...breaking me? So thoroughly?" Toshiro was burying his face into her hair and neck, kissing her again, speaking in nearly a gasp, "I promise...to be gentle."

The struggle in his face was echoed on hers. She wanted him to love her and trust her and just be with her but he was unwilling to see how she would factor into his life. Ari would live without his presence if she had to but she would be a tragic shell of the woman she was now. He filled a void in her that no one else could. He understood her darkest thoughts and emotions. Ariadne knew he was exactly the man she needed in her life. Though she had fallen for him more slowly, her emotions were much deeper than someone who might love on a whim.

He was yielding to her and himself. She wasn’t breaking him, she was helping him. Ariadne could feel the difference in him and his attentions toward her. She didn’t answer his question about why she was breaking him. She could not find the words to tell him, he was breaking so he could be healed. She would help him. She had always known that being abandoned when he was young had an effect on who he was. She was not going to leave him; she had no intention of giving him up. He seemed at last to understand the depth of her love.

As his kisses continued she found her own arousal rising, she was returning the kisses with an ardent desire. He was quick to get them inside the Guard hall where he pinned her to the wall. Her breathing had grown heavy, her breath hot. His hands made easy work of her dress as her own worked to take his shirt off. She had been patient; waiting for the day he would admit he loved her. Waiting for when this would be appropriate. She could have given in to desire long ago but now was the right time for it.

His breath against her ear sent a shiver through her body. “You are exactly the man I need you to be. You don’t have to be anyone other than who you are. Love me, Shiro, that’s all I want.” She said softly, aware of the breathless quality of her voice. Her more sensual side coming to the forefront she managed to kiss him again before speaking a second time, “You don’t have to be gentle with me. I want this too.” She reassured him, putting her mouth on his again as his shirt fell to the floor.

She was not a virgin and she was not naive about men and their needs. She had her own needs to satisfy. There was so much passion between them she rather doubted that being gentle was entirely possible. She would let him screw her here against the wall of the Guard Hall like a common whore because she was so completely besotted with him and much too far gone in her desire for him to care. Her hands felt the muscles of his shoulders and moved down slowly past his chest and his abdominals to the soft skin just above his pants. She rested her hands there, allowing them to toy with button there before she unbuttoned the pants.

“You are exactly the man I need you to be. You don’t have to be anyone other than who you are. Love me, Shiro, that’s all I want.”


Ariadne's words were giving him the confidence that he needed to believe that he could do just that -love her, assuring him that doing that was enough. So right then, Toshiro made the commitment in his own mind to love her with all his might.

The man's upper body naked of his uniform before he knew it, Toshiro sucked in his breath when her hands reached his pants, her light touch almost tickling. He too, felt a shiver course through his body, leaving an even greater desire in its wake. Shortly after he was rid of pants and shoes, her own dress followed, joining the pile of clothes at their feet. Toshiro's hands caressed her curves, enjoying how soft and smooth her body was. He was finally allowing himself to be completely captivated by her; and here she was giving him permission to have his way with her. The offer was incredibly tempting, but he didn't know just how their first experience together should go; he did not know her preferences and didn't want her to think that he would be violent with her either. No. He did not want that. Still...


He wanted her more than he'd ever wanted any woman; but he was angry at her and he loved her all the same. Considering where they were at, there would not really be any place comfortable for them to do this at...whether it was against the wall or on the floor, either one. The best way, being considerate of Ari, would be to let her be on top, but Toshiro didn't like that idea when he was mad at her for doing this to him. And he was becoming a little more accepting of the idea that she didn't necessarily want him to be completely gentle.

So, Toshiro scooped Ari up in his arms and then lay her down on their spread pile of clothes, hoping that might make things more comfortable. He wasn't about to feel bad for wanting to fulfill their lust for eachother here though. It would certainly making the Guard Hall much more memorable a place for him in the future.

Lowering himself on top of her, Toshiro wanted her to know that he was loving her, and did not only want this to be a lustful coupling, so he stroked along the side of one cheek, letting that hand drift along the slender contours of her neck down to her breast where his hand lingered. Kissed her once more, he was nibbling on her lower lip affectionately while finding his way between her legs; though, soon he'd sat up, raising her legs into the air by his shoulders so that he could penetrate her more deeply.

Toshiro loved her deeply and he wanted to make her his own, wholly and completely, so that no one else could have a claim over her. And not just once. If they remained there all night, there would be many chances to express their love for one another -and maybe he would end up taking her against the wall at some point. However it happened, the both of them would certainly find themselves exhausted by morning.

It was probably a good thing that she knew her way around a guard uniform. It took her very little time to strip him down to nothing. Her own dress being removed as well, she could feel the cool air of the room making her hair stand on end. The cold didn’t last as she heated up under his touch. Being held up in his strong arms she took the moment to kiss him before he laid her down on their clothes.

She wanted him to be as happy as she was. If he couldn’t see it in her eyes that she was both excited for this to happen and glad that it was, she would tell him later. He seemed unconcerned they were using the Guard Hall so she figured not many people came by there at night. They would go unnoticed.

After their first session of love making, Ariadne caught her breath slowly. She was laying on her back looking up at nothing in particular. Her body was covered in a light sweat. She turned to look at Toshiro, smiling, she rolled onto her side and began to trace his inner arm with her fingers. Then her mouth came to touch his lips with a brief brushing.

“Again.” She almost demanded, as she began to kiss him. She had not had sex in about two Turns. She’d missed out. And as hard as Toshiro had been to resist in the infirmary it was a hundred times harder now. No amount of lovemaking seemed to quench her desire for him.

When at last the morning light peeked through the windows of the Guard Hall, she realized they had gotten little to no sleep. “My love, its morning.” Her voice was soft.

She was resting, curled up with her head using his chest as a pillow. “I have to go home now.” She said, feeling a slight ache coming from inbetween her thighs. She had not asked so much of her body in a long while. Lifting her head off of his chest she leaned in for a kiss. She was so happy even her eyes were smiling.

As she started to put her clothes back on, her stomach growled. “Shiro, do you think… I mean would you like to come with me. I’m sure we’ve got a really nice breakfast on the table this morning. You don’t have to if you would rather not…” She trailed.

Their relationship was different now. She wanted him to be a big part of her life but he was not used to being a big part of anyone’s life. Ariadne wanted to stay with him every waking moment of her life but she did have other priorities which included her daughter.

Four times? No. Was it at least five times that he gave himself to her that night? The fact that the chill of the morning air was just now reaching them seemed to speak enough for how active they'd been to keep it at bay until now. Toshiro had all too gladly taken her up on an offer for seconds, and he ended up giving her little down time in coming back for thirds before finally they allowed themselves brief intermission.

Toshiro was enjoying her light touch and the feeling of her soft body against him where she ended up resting her head against his chest where they fell asleep. It was only for a short time though, before Ariadne was waking him, bringing back the best memories of their night together.

“Shiro, do you think… I mean would you like to come with me..."

Speaking his name in such a familiar way brought the deepest red to his face. There was nothing Toshiro could do to stop it. Toshiro had never had a woman speak so familiarly to him, especially not one that he particularly liked -such as Ari. So, hearing her voice call his name completed the whole dreamy experience of their being together since the evening prior. He was practically giddy. Not just giddy, but they were both glowing with pleasure in eachother.

Toshiro almost forgot about the question she asked, so caught up in the thought that she was calling him 'Shiro' now. Blinking sleep from his eyes, he glanced toward the door to see that his swords were still there, and then propping himself up on elbows, looked up to where she now put on her clothing. Eventually he, too, stood to throw his uniform back on. "As long as there's food. I'll go." He was teasing her; and he wanted to see the look on her mother's face when they arrived together...after a night out together.

Ariadne smiled when he dressed and agreed to come for the food. Walking over to him after he was completely dressed she kissed his cheek. “Mother always makes a big breakfast. She is always expecting extra mouths to feed. I don’t think she knows how to make small meals.” She said sweetly. Then took his hand in hers, “Ready?” she asked but saw he had everything he needed to leave and gently tugged his hand to lead him to her house.

To the rest of the world it was early but to Ariadne’s family it wasn’t. Her mother was busy in the kitchen preparing food for breakfast while her father took care of Thessaly for her. They didn’t know if she was okay or not but had decided to act like nothing was the matter. Her younger sister had set the table for breakfast always setting out a few extra places. They were all ready for a day of drudge work though none of them seemed to mind their jobs as lower-class citizens. It was better than being Holdless.

When her mother finished, there were quiches on the table, pancakes, some fruit and juice. They were expecting company even when they were not expecting company because they always seemed to have extra people for breakfast planned or not. Her sister was complaining about how much food they had when Ariadne and Toshiro showed up. Her mother had peeked her head around out of the kitchen to see who was walking in. She didn’t like what she saw and it was clear as day on her face that she disapproved.

Ari didn’t need to knock, she lived there. When they walked in together, everyone went quiet except the three turn old. “There you are mommy!” Her sentences were becoming a little more complex now. Thessaly was a bright girl, she learned things quickly. She came towards her mother with her arms wide open. Ariadne let go of Toshiro’s hand in order to lift the little girl into her arms. “I’m gonna sit with you and him.” She pointed at Toshiro. Ari looked back at Toshiro and smiled. “Alright.” She answered the little girl and sat down on the middle of the table so there was room for Toshiro to sit next to her. She sat Thessaly inbetween herself and her father because she knew Toshiro wasn’t comfortable with children.

Her mother piped in with a comment almost immediately after they were sitting. “I take it you were with eachother last night. You had us worried sick.” Her mother admonished as she was then cut off by her husband.

“She is a grown woman. She can make her own decisions.”

“You know mother, I could always have him spend the evening here. You know, if that makes it more reassuring for you.”

Her mother practically glared at her. She was angry about the whole thing. This man who had caused her daughter so much grief and frustration was now sitting next to her acting the lover. Well if he wanted to pretend he loved her and act like he wasn’t interested in her for the sex alone, far be it from the mother to tell her.

“Captain Toshiro, will we be seeing more of you?” Ariadne’s father asked politely. And was cut off by Thessaly.

“You and mommy are friends?” She asked Toshiro, peeking around her mother at the man she had only met once. She didn’t mind meeting strangers. She was like her mother, easily getting along with everyone she met. Her blue eyes were peering at him curiously. Mommy made a lot of friends but none of the boys that were friends came over.

It was good that the two of them had left the hall when the did, because the first class of the day would be starting shortly thereafter sunrise. When they arrived to Ariadne's home, Toshiro could smell the wonderful food from outside. Inside, the smells were even more tempting. His stomach growled eagerly as they stepped within the door. And, looking up just in time to see the distasteful look represented on her mother's face, Toshiro took silent pleasure in her reaction.

Toshiro of course, was pretty quiet as they were all seated, and tried to seat himself close to the door where he'd leaned his longsword and jutte against the wall nearby. He'd been preparing himself for another skeptical inquisition during their walk here, and it started just as he had expected. Of course, Toshiro said nothing in his defense, letting them banter back and forth amoungst themselves until Ariadne's father finally addressed him directly. Ari's mother could make of that what she wanted -whether he was simply being avoidant of the truth or not.

Toshiro's expression turned down to where Thesally was peeking at him from behind her mother, suddenly seeing a bit of her father in those blue eyes also. He found himself nodding, putting on a smile for the three year old girl before answering her first, "Yes. We are friends."

But he thought the better of saying anything more. Instead, he brought dreary eyes back up to meet those of Ariadne's father at the head of the table. He didn't even bother yet addressing her mother. But something in that moment had shifted in the Captain's demeanor, and when the eyes of both men met, they were not eyes heavy with sleep, but sharp and willing to meet a challenge. They were the eyes of a man who was much more decisive than during their previous meeting so many months ago. "Florin." In return, he addressed Ari's father directly. "I realize what you all must think of me. Do you think I don't know the reputation I've made for myself? It's deserving." As if the weight of his own past was becoming heavier than he wanted to bear, Toshiro's head bowed, eyes averting or closing completely as both hands came to rest on his thighs. But he only spoke truthfully to them.

Perhaps it was too early in the day for confessions, but if he was going to be in such an intimate relationship with their daughter, then they needed to know the person she was with. And if they were going to choose to be together for..ever? Then he wanted her family to at least be able to begin to understand him, and his reasons for choosing to be with Ari. "I admit, I am a despicable human being; an animal. That's all I have ever been. So I'll tell you right now, I know I'm not deserving!

"Though all I ever intended, was to protect this Hold and its people, I deserve worse than death can provide, and have sought it out more than once. The one time I found that deserving fate within my grasp, Ariadne was there to snatch me away from it. I hated her for it... But then I loved her because it was the first time anyone had loved me like she did -and it was seeing her in my memory that kept me from choosing to let go of this life." Under the table, Toshiro's hands were clenching into fists, "I'm aware that I've only caused her pain though. I tried to push her away because I wanted her to love someone better. Even last night...I thought I'd done enough to drive her away from me so that she could find happiness elsewhere; but..."

Seeming to hold his breath for a moment, Toshiro finally exhaled that measured breath, staring down at his lap still. For a moment, he was smirking ruefully, even chuckling under his breath, "She's a better tactician than I thought. No, I'm sure she cheats, because she reads right through me every time. Ehhh.. to think what you must have to put up with in this home." Suddenly he was glancing up and about the room, as if all the time he'd been thinking out loud, now wondering how they managed her every single day.

Running one hand back through his hair, Toshiro let his gaze drop once more, giving a soft sigh. "I'm sorry. You'll be seeing a lot more of me Florin. She never once gave up on me, and she's too persistent to shake...So I...I made a promise to myself, that I wouldn't push her away anymore." Looking up then through dirty blonde hair overhanging his brow, Toshiro returned another more serious stare back toward the head of the table at her father. "I have committed myself to protecting her and giving her my love in return for the tremendous heart she's entrusted to me. So, please, don't worry about her anymore. I have caused you too much trouble already."

Omo! So Toshiro was capable of saying nice, polite things. When circumstance truly called for it, anyway. That still didn't mean he was a romantic or a poet by any means. Straightening in his seat then, Toshiro's hands still resting on his thighs, Toshiro inclined his torso in a bow toward the head of the table where Ari's father sat. "Please allow me to care for your daughter from here on. I would like to prove myself worthy of her." But... that might mean he'll be here more often for breakfast. Maybe dinner too.

She began to fill her plate with some food as Toshiro addressed her daughter followed by her parents. His answer to the little girl, reassured her that he would ease into the position as a father figure for her. She was going to eat when Toshiro began to open up to her family in a way she didn't expect. To hear him tell it, she was the one who saved his life when in fact he had saved hers in more ways than one. Ariadne loved him for a reason and he was showing them that he was a person worthy of her heart.

Her mother looked like she was about to fall down. Her mouth was open as she plopped into a chair, listening intently to every word that came out of Toshiro's mouth. She didn't say anything because she did not know what to say. Ariadnes's sister too was shocked into muteness. The only person who seemed to have anything to say when Toshiro was done, was Ariadne's father.

"Thank you for opening up to us. Ariadne is very dear to us as you know. If she deems you worthy than who are we to say or think differently. We look forward to seeing you around more often. Now I'm sure you are starving..." He did not need to say why. It caused her sister to giggle and her mother to glare at her sister. In her mother's mind there had better be an intention to marry behind all the fanicful words. They were not Holdless anymore and as normal holders, they had to live more honorably.

Ariadne reached under the table to hold his hand. She was happy he had been so open with them all. She wasn't concerned about living honorably at the moment. She was so happy that he was with her now and that they were going to be with each other for, well as far as she was concerned forever. Ari's sister spoke next, "It is good that you already know how stubborn she is. We are not surprised at all that she wouldn't let you go once she set her heart on you." Besides he was fairly good looking despite the whole bloodthirsty reputation.

That's right. He'd shocked her mother. It was to his great pleasure every chance he got to throw the woman off guard. He could feel the shock roll off her even if he could only see it from his periphery, seeing as though he'd been looking more directly at Ariadne's father or had his eyes averted part of the time. Still, he could revel in such minor victories... oh, and there would be many more.

Had Toshiro known her mother's thoughts over 'fancy words', he would have harumphed or at least tried to argue. He was not one to come up with fancy words; it was just truth, and he'd made a promise to himself, and now aloud to all of them, which he intended on keeping. Because of that promise, he wanted to get them off to a better start and he certainly didn't want Ariadne at the continued 'mercy' of her family's criticism. Now they would at least have to be a little more picky when it came to their criticism of the pair. That would deflate their hot air a bit. Another minor victory in Toshiro's mind.

Scoring minor victories over/with her family was becoming almost like a game to him, which he found himself enjoying... though...he wasn't sure he'd ever completely admit that to Ariadne.


As Ari reached under the table to take his hand, it finally dawned on Toshiro why her father's mention of being so hungry. Was their presence together that different? Had a release in that much tension really have that much after-glow effect? Toshiro almost started covertly glancing down at himself and sidelong at Ari, wondering if that was the case. He guessed, there was simply no hiding it. Anyway, he returned the squeeze of her hand, happy now that they could be a little more... together. Holding hands with her was as nice for him as her calling him affectionately by 'Shiro'. So it was unfortunately for him, when attention was drawn back to the food that Toshiro withdrew his hand from her own so that they could eat. And as he accepted the meal gratefully, and with great hunger, he seemed like a much happier person than the last time they'd come together like this.

Toshiro was also more pleased today, to have her father's apparent approval of their official courtship. He wasn't disapproving anyway; With a inward sigh, he figured Ari's mother was just over-protective. But he'd told them there would be nothing to worry about. No matter what happened now, he would care for her. He would protect her. From this day forward.

She didn’t really see how any of it could possibly be their business. Sometimes her family disappointed her; this was one of those times. Ariadne met her mother’s glare and pretty much signaled her to back off. Meanwhile her sister seemed to have resumed normal eating and conversation habits. The adults were quiet as they ate but Thessaly was not. Ariadne was able to get her to eat a little bit of everything but she got full faster than the adults. Giggling while she played with what food was still in front of her, she flung it at her aunt.

Giggling some more, she messed with her food, her legs moving back and forth in her high chair. Ariadne watched her sister’s face darken in anger. “Thessa…” Ariadne tried to admonish the child but the brightness of her spirit made her smile. She never could be angry with her daughter. A child who was demanding more and more of her time, well she and Toshiro would have to learn to share her, Ariadne thought.

But the little girl wasn’t flinging food for her mother’s attention, as she peered around her mother at Toshiro and burst into another fit of giggles. Ari took a moment to finish enough of her own breakfast that she was full. “Come here trouble maker.” She said as she lifted the little girl out of her chair. Sitting Thessaly on her lap, she smiled down at the little girl who stared at Toshiro some more. Then she held out her arms for him to pick her up. “Up.”

The whole family seemed to pause to watch the interaction between Toshiro and Thessaly. The little girl was quite insistent that she wanted to see him better. She wasn’t afraid of him, quite the opposite she was curious. She wanted a closer look. Ariadne could have saved him from the child by distracting her but she too was curious. How would he handle the little girl? She didn't expect him to be ready for parenting just yet but she wondered if he realized before that loving her included her daughter.

Before that might have been just the barrier he needed in order to make an excuse not to be with her. Now though, she didn't think anyone or anything would be a great enough barrier for him to stay away from her. She was so sure of this feeling that she didn't try to pull the little girl away from him. He would eventually be used to this and she didn't expect him to be right away. All she wanted for him was to have the loving family he deserved and deep down wanted.

Well if little Thessaly was Trouble 1, then Toshiro was Trouble 2 -he could enjoy playing all her games too. But maybe later. For now, he would try to be a little good. This was his first meal with Ariadne's family in a long while, so he wanted to help her out by making at least a decent impression on them; or one better than the previous.

For the last few minutes, Toshiro had been watching the little girl as he ate, but from the corner of his eyes, since the adults were all containing their thoughts for the time being. An evil brow arced when she started flinging food at her aunt and he fought to keep the smile from his face when Thessaly only giggled about it.

Whatever Ariadne, or any of the rest of them thought, Toshiro was a brute maybe, and terrible at expressing his feelings...immature in many ways, and not the best person to socialize but, regardless of all those downfalls, he was not an unthinking person, even if everything tended to come out the wrong way; or maybe things just came out the right way, he just intended for his words and actions to rub people wrong? Either way, since the man had even begun to consider Ariadne as a love interest, he'd found it natural to also consider Thessaly. Just as he was certain Ariadne had already realized that she would have to share him with his work, he was of the understanding that he would have to share her with Thessaly -and of course the children they had together. He'd barely begun to consider that sort of fate between them, but the seed had at least been planted -literally and figuratively.

Toshiro didn't really know how to treat kids in all situations, but he had taught youth classes many times before, and luckily Thessaly's spirit was just as endearing to him as her mothers. Truthfully, having Thessaly around, made him a little nervous, but...somehow as he watched her, being in such high spirits that morning himself, she'd found a way of opening another door to his heart. Unbeknownst almost even to himself, there was a hidden, playful nature within him which he'd rarely had the chance to express as a child. Thessaly had found a way of letting it out; and in fact, the occurrence of it there, was so rare...and it warmed his heart so significantly, Toshiro had a hard time not feeling like he was breaking again. Like mother like daughter, the two of them were going to be quite a pair!


So, it was good he'd had his mouth full when Thessaly was slung into her mother's lap and then started reaching for him. Having to swallow food, he was able to hide the fact that he was also swallowing back tears. Even now, behind those typically callous eyes, so many layers of tears could be seen, which had never been shed. And it was when Thessaly reached for him, that Toshiro felt as though a little life like hers might be his salvation -and her mother, his refuge.

Masking the mix of emotions behind a purely mischievous expression, Toshiro finished the last bite of his food before setting his silverware back on his plate. Standing from his seat, the Captain scooped Thessaly up into the air, hauling the little girl over his shoulder so that she hung upside down over his back, balancing her in place by keeping hold of her little legs. Of course he intended for it to be fun for her to go soaring through the air before teasing her by hanging her upside down -from what he'd seen, most little ones thought it was great fun.

Taking his empty plate in the other hand, Toshiro thanked Ari's mother for another well-prepared meal before offering to help clean up -at least his own dish, "Where does this go? I can at least take it to the sink."

As he started moving toward the kitchen area, he turned from one side to the other, dropping his gaze to either side so curiously. "Has anyone seen Thessaly somewhere around here? I know I saw her earlier?" Toshiro would spin around again, trying to look all behind himself, as if he might be missing her somewhere. "Thessaly? Where did you go?"

Adjusting his hold on her, Toshiro stopped 'looking' for the three year old, continuing toward the kitchen. "Well, I guess she's not here. I don't know what this heavy thing is over my shoulder though."




Privately, as Toshiro made his way to the kitchen where he could set down his plate, he felt disgusted with himself. Ariadne may have begun a healing process -maybe for them both- but there was plenty of emotional hurt to be worked out. It was a big first step just to allow himself to be here with her family happily, and think that it was OK for that happiness to exist for him. So many aspects of his life had been left to neglect for so long...so he continued telling himself it was OK to be here. It was OK to love Ariadne; Thessaly, too.

Having not kept a close enough watch on his train of thought, now being just out of sight of the adults where he was at in the kitchen, Toshiro's unexpectedly fun mood was sobering.

Then he started feeling sick.

The shift in his state of mind happened quickly, even as Thessaly might be laughing, waiting to be swung around or tickled and played with, causing Toshiro's breath to stall.

For an instant, he felt as though the anger and emotional trauma was fighting to make a come back, reminding him that he was a murderer, deserving of nothing more than pain and suffering. On his hands he began to think that he could see and feel warm, fresh blood, like in a flash back. That caused his eyes -maybe even his body- to flinch. If he continued holding the little girl in his arms now, the blood might be on her, too. That frightened him. No, it more than frightened him. Seeing any of it transfer to Thessaly terrified him, and only made his stomach feel worse.

If he hadn't the presence of mind and turns of practice containing the deep truth of his emotions, he might have lost to it. But instead, carefully and with a gentle smile, he set Thessaly back down to the ground, pretending that he could go back to trying to help with doing dishes. His own feelings now, made him almost too anxious to want to go back to holding Thessaly though he knew he wouldn't hurt her. If anything, he wanted to protect her from that something that wasn't logically there. Any odd reactions though, would only alarm the others, so looking down at Thessaly, he spoke calmly more for his own sake than hers, "Let's help mommy clean up, shall we?"

When he went back to it though, his breath had changed, the whole experience leaving his body feeling tense. Toshiro washed the plate first, and then scrubbed away at his hands, as if there were something there to wash clean. He had to stop! He had to get a hold of himself! But the bleeding on his hands in his mind kept returning - he wasn't about to let any of it get on Thessaly!

The little girl was wide eyed when he did scoop her up out of her mother’s arms. When he put her over his shoulder she began to giggle. When he began to look for her she giggled more and much more loudly. “Here! Here!” She said exuberantly. Thessaly was enjoying playing with him and continued to giggle. The little girl seemed to know when Toshiro grew serious and quieted down before he set her on the floor of the kitchen area.

Ariadne watched him playing with Thessaly and she saw exactly how wonderful he would be as a father. While her mother seemed to be impressed at his skills with the child, Ari knew deep down he would learn to be a good father to her daughter and any children they might have in the future. She had a very large family and having grown up in a large family, she really wanted Thessaly to have brothers and sisters. Toshiro might not be ready to have full time fatherhood duties but he could ease into it. Ari didn’t want him to get overwhelmed though.

After he disappeared into the kitchen with Thessaly, she collected everyone else’s plates and carried them into the kitchen. When she got there, Thessaly was watching Toshiro scrubbing his hands. Ari could see how tense he was and the way he was scrubbing his hands as if they were dirty, even though they were perfectly clean, concerned her. She set the plates down on the counter and then turned her attention to her daughter whom she kissed on the head and told thank you for helping Toshiro scrub his plate.

Gently Ariadne guided her daughter out of the kitchen to go see grandma. When the little girl was out of the room, she came up behind Toshiro and hugged him, bringing her arms, around his sides and resting her hands on his chest. Her head was on his back as she said softly, “What is troubling you?” If he tried to deny that something was bothering him then she would only press him further because she could tell something was wrong.

“You put too much pressure on yourself. No one expects you to be ready for this right away, least of all me.” Pausing to smile, “Although you were brilliant with Thessaly, and none of them knew you had it in you. She really likes you.” She said, trying to reassure him, he belonged with her. Ari didn’t think she would be able to handle it if he tried to leave her now.

Toshiro had no intention of leaving Ariadne now, so there was nothing to fear on that front.

The scrubbing of his hands came to a gradual stop when he heard Ariadne entering. Toshiro seemed a little out of breath, and he knew she would know that he was struggling, so when her arms wrapped around him to settle her hands on his chest, he was quiet for a moment, but didn't deny anything. Focused on the few calming breaths he took next, Toshiro finally blotted his hands dry on a dish towel before bringing them to rest on top of her own.

His chin lilting toward his shoulder so that he could speak to her, he was silently appreciative of her touch, being as soothing as it was to him. More because he felt ashamed, his masculinity diminished, than because he was afraid of her family overhearing, he spoke in a voice not much louder than a whisper, "I feel like I can protect you from everything..except from myself. I don't want to be the one to hurt you."

Hanging his head a bit while his eyes closed, uttering a soft sigh, he tried to be more reassuring, "And I just..felt like I might be coming down with something so thought I should wash up more thoroughly, just in case." With that, he had taken her hands in his own to loosen or hold on him long enough to turn around in her arms so that they were facing one another. Toshiro held her head in his hands then where he could lean her head against his shoulder, stroking through her hair, the action being as much a comfort to himself as he hoped it would be to her. Still, the hurt in his heart, he felt as though it was digging its claws into him, clinging stubbornly for dear life; so, the pain was still there, only it wasn't controlling him anymore.

As they stood there in eachothers' arms, his rate of breath would go up and down, becoming heavier or very light, as he continued to combat those things in his mind and in his heart. "Do you forgive me?" It was random, he knew, and there were so many things he could be asking forgiveness for. Toshiro didn't really care if she took it as rhetorical or if she chose any one or many things to answer regarding. But he wasn't really sure what else to say just then; he supposed he didn't really have anything to say, so he went back to being quiet.


After a moment, "We should finish washing the dishes." After saying it, he wanted to turn back around to make sure there wasn't any blood in the sink. Maybe they should fill the basin again with fresh water.

When he seemed to embrace her soothing and comfort, she allowed herself to breath a little more deeply. Her love for him would show him eventually, she knew who he was and she understood there were parts of himself he did not like. There were always going to be parts of himself that he did not want to share with her. Ariadne knew this and loved him anyway. Now he needed to find a way to love and embrace himself, the good and the bad parts of himself. “The only way you can hurt me is to stop loving me.” And he had promised he would never stop. He promised he would take care of her forever.

Once me moved her around to be in front of him, she rested her head on his shoulder. “You are not ill.” Her voice was a whisper, “Not physically.” She was not concerned for herself around him. Her worry was what he did to himself. He wanted to be perfect for her and she wanted him to just be himself, a flawed yet wonderful man. He had been washing his hands in such a way, like they would never be clean. That was a conversation for another time. She had delved deep enough into his soul the last twenty-four hours to give him a break.

When he asked for her forgiveness her head came off of his shoulder, her eyes looking straight into his. There was nothing to forgive in her mind, so she gave him a gentle, sweet kiss on the lips, before she let him say anything more. Ariadne knew when it came to the emotional side of his new life with her, he was afraid to do or say things that might be wrong, or even to act in a way that might not be right. He had never had a real family. She knew he did not share himself with other people on such a deeply emotional level. She did feel bad for forcing him to accept that part of him which he would have been happy to live without before he knew her.

“I don’t think you have heard a thing I’ve said to you.”He clearly was not understanding that she didn’t care who hehad been, or what he had done to become who he was. She might want to know what he did but it would not change her feelings for him or how she acted toward him.“Now I know I’m just a common drudge and that you could have almost any woman you wanted but Toshiro I understand more than you give me credit for. I know that you are a good person. You have done things in the past you are not proud of and perhaps feel ashamed of but you had to do those things to become who you are now. And who you are now is someone I love dearly, someone I would do anything, even die, for. Not a single person in the history of Pern has ever done nothing but good things their entire lives. We have all done something to hurt another person or worse. It doesn’t make us horrible people, it makes us human.”

She let the words sink in as she contemplated the dishes. A couple moments passed before she answered. “Mother is picky about the dishes. I will do the washing…” If course that was partly a lie. Her mother wasn’t that picky about the dishes but Ariadne wanted to keep Toshiro’s hands away from the sink for now.

Ariadne was right. Toshiro needed to learn to love himself. He'd accepted for too long that he was a horrible person. But he wanted to believe that Ari was right, and that he could be loved and learn to love other people. He wanted to believe that Ari was right in that there was a kinder, more compassionate side to himself he just needed to have nurtured. Toshiro loved her all the more for believing in him; yet, he still feared that somehow, that side of him that she wanted to bring out in him so badly might never be as prevalent as she wanted it to be..then he would only become a disappointment.

Nevertheless, Toshiro had vowed he would not leave her and did not want to hurt her, so he would do everything in his power not to make her happy. Understanding that she did want him to continue being himself though, that she didn't want him to feel as though he had to change his whole self to make her happy, he was grateful. Again, he loved her all the more for it. He would love her in return; more every day.


Toshiro was getting used to her stripping him of defenses, seeing through to his inner self. He was starting not to mind it so much as long as it was her, and he didn't regret letting her into his life in that way. She was perfect for him.

before she broke away from him to finish doing the dishes, asking no questions about why she prefferred doing them herself, he returned the kiss, "Ari, you are are not common; you are more spectacular than you know. I don't know who else could put up with me."


As dishes were being finished, he went to hover back over Ari, quietly wraping his arms around her as she had done to him earlier, placing his hands on her with great care as he spoke into her ear. "I'm going to have to go to my class now." Toshiro hated to leave her, no matter what for, and he felt awkward about asking if they might meet later, so he refrained; the whole relationship thing was still a bit.. alien to him.

Not saying it, but thingking that he would seek her out later perhaps, he pressed kisses to her neck and cheek before turning to leave the kitchen, leaving little time for awkward goodbyes. He was not good wtih them.

Her cheeks flushed slightly when he said that he didn’t find her common that he in fact found her to be spectacular. She would grow used to compliments in time. For now though they were new and made her feel strangely grateful. Ariadne never saw dealing with him the way he did. She found herself wanting to spend time with him before she even realized how strong her feelings were growing. She had never found spending time with him to be any horrible thing. He might never realize that he had helped her emotionally as much as she might be helping him.

Comforted by his embrace, she allowed herself to feel relaxed. He was not going to change his mind, she reassured herself. He made a promise and she was going to hold him to it. She only wondered if he knew just how much that promise meant to her. Ari wanted to be certain though that he wasn’t feeling any pressure from her or her family before she told him about it. The love between them was only newly realized and confirmed, she didn’t want to rush anything. Simply put, Ariadne wanted to enjoy being with him when he had the time to spare, but she was not going to demand all of his time or try to take him away from Training or doing things he wanted to do.

So when he said he had to go, she nodded. “I love you.” She called to him as he made a move to leave. She wouldn’t say goodbye but she would watch him leave, thinking about when she could see him again. He was going to continue to consume her thoughts, it seemed. Now that he was gone though, she had to deal with her family. Her mother was giving her the cold shoulder for a little while. Ariadne did not care, she knew her mother would come around eventually when Toshiro proved to her that he was going to stick around, that he was not using Ari. It was all a matter of time.

“I’ve got to get ready for work too.” She said to her parents and scooped Thessaly up to bathe her and get her ready for her day. She was so happy nothing anyone did to her today was going to change the smile on her face. Even her daughter seemed to have picked up on her really good mood and was mirroring her smile.

When he turned to leave, he stopped near the door to the kitchen area, having cearly heard her confession of love. He couldn't pretend not to hear it, didn't want to pretend not to hear it, but somehow it wasn't easy for him to speak those same words in return. Pausing there, his chin turned back over his shoulder a bit, but not to look at her, only to acknowledge that he'd heard her. It all felt awkward to him.

Within his memory, he had never had anyone say such a thing to him.

Toshiro's head nodded or rather...bowed as if in gratification, unsure of how else to reply just then. He couldn't speak those words just yet, it didn't feel right, and even if it did feel 'right',.. it was still hard for him. Being more a man of action than of words, he was more apt to show her his feelings for her by the things he did for her. Lengthening his stride again he disappeared from her sight where he went to collect his weapons in one hand, offering short but polite voicing of his appreciation again to her parents before he left them.


The whole walk back to the training grounds left him mulling that short phrase over in his head, time and time again, considering just how he really felt about his first, "I love you". In all truth, after given some time to think it over, it excited him. Toshiro felt a whole new giddiness about their deepening relationship.