Walls don't need to talk when there's a journal

The day's tasks for Eolyn and Courisse had been, well...at least mostly fulfilled and a majority of the hold was probably eating or already finishing eating mid-day meal at this time. So, it was still early in the day and both of the Ladies decided to spend time together as they used to when living in Igen, enjoying the company of one another gossiping and playing. So, their destination was Eolyn's room, now shared with Rihan as he had not allowed her to sleep elsewhere though she technically had other rooms to herself which she could sleep in. The Heir Apparent however, had kept Eolyn's private quarters adjacent to his, locked and the key hidden until he decided to let her in to see what he had prepared for her there. It might have been tradition to keep separate rooms at times for them, but after nearly losing her, Rihan had taken every chance to fulfill the expression of their ultimate love, wanting her always to be with him. In the daytime he was so busy, Eolyn rarely saw him; even today, Rihan was nowhere to be found. He'd in fact, left the Hold entirely on runnerback to carry out a few duties that took him outside Hold walls. So he would most likely not return until just before nightfall. But, when he was with Eolyn in the private of their bedroom, his attention was devoted only to her, so he wanted her nowhere else..Every other worry over the Hold departed from him. Not to mention, all of Pern would be waiting for them to be pregnant soon. What good would it do letting Eolyn sleep alone? Rihan certainly wouldn't be caught not doing his part in creating the next heir for Telgar -especially now that Kazage had re-appeared.

So.. there was no bending his iron will against letting her open the room he would later bestow upon her as her own. Perhaps that only made one wonder what lay hidden within? Was it practicality and adoration that kept the room a secret? Or perhaps it was something so surprising within, he wanted to make the moment special? In any case, Rihan had proven to be a quiet and determined person on the matter -on many things- and it made one question also, just how controlling the Heir Apparent really was? Though he was unquestionably kind and considerate of those around him, always acting the mediator in some way, the number of instances surfacing that made him seem controlling or even bordering on power-hungry, became more and more. It would have been perfectly called for if Eolyn began to question the true nature and depth of his character, regardless of how things might seem on the outside. As one grew closer to Rihan, the kind things and the polite nature he possessed seemed to simply be concealing some other, equally significant side to him. And oddly, those were characteristics that seemed oxymoron-like in comparison to the glossy, well-polished version of Rihan that everyone was used to appearing before them. Most people would never see past that. Very few people had the opportunity to know any other side of him.

Even if someone assumed he were nothing more than fulfilling the stereotypical expectations of a holderbred, looking at him as an individual person, Eolyn was probably beginning to discover things or perhaps even feel a little differently about him than when they'd first met.



So, Courisse followed Eolyn into the room, chatting away as usual, one hand rested gently along the underside of the petite belly that she'd grown thus far into her pregnancy. She seemed to simply adore that belly, and took every opportunity for others to fawn over her and it, whenever they found out she was pregnant. She was five months at least, into the pregnancy now. "..I simply couldn't believe it when he turned around and his face was completely red of embarrassment. That look on his face was hillllarious! OH, I wish you could have been there."

The woman closed the door behind them, and then turned briskly back toward her cousin, ever in a perky mood. "Since we have the whole rest of the day to ourselves, let me brush your hair and fix it up like I used to. We used to alllways play with eachother's hair. Now we hardly have time to; and those pesky men (meaning Rihan and Drien) won't allow me to do those things anymore. Though you should all agree on at least one new Maid soon or I might be tempted to sneak into your room before anyone else does in the morning just to play dress up." Giggling at the thought, Courisse's steps swept across the floor to where Eolyn's makeup table was situated with three large looking-glasses, two of them set up at an angle to either side, creating a bit of a semi-circle of sorts.

As she moved there however, her eye was caught by a cracked open chest of drawers belonging to Rihan. At first, Courisse had thought to shut it, being a neat, clean person as she was, but able to see just inside, there were leaflets of paper and books where she'd expected to see folded clothes or some such. With quiet curiosity, the young woman pulled the drawer open a little more, daring to peek inside. Ever unable to satiate her curiosity, she was sure that Eolyn wouldn't mind- after all, what's the worst that could happen? "Hmmmm? Did you know that your husband keeps a journal? Look. Just here." Peering up at where Eolyn stood, Courisse wondered...

Of course, figuring that Eolyn knew, she smiled and inquired further, "What inner most secretive thoughts does he have, I wonder?" Of course the conspiratory little glance that now fell over Eolyn as Courisse bit her lower lip gave away that she expected some real answers. They hadn't had time to visit like this in private at all lately. Not for months it seemed. "Do you think he tells you everything? Or do you know what he writes? Or do you think you know what he writes?" She prodded, at the same time finally reaching to pull the Journal from the drawer. Of course, she had no intention of opening it unless Eolyn did, but she was a tease.

The book being revealed to Eolyn, Courisse turned it over in her grasp to show its cover to her cousin, hoping to entice her, if only a little.


That's when something fell from it, and in a little bounce of metal on the floor, landed at Eolyn's feet. It was a key. One that looked very similar to their bedroom key, only slightly different in its shape on both ends. It was as large as a normal door key as well, so probably didn't belong to any locking compartments in the room. The only immediate answer would be that it belonged to the only connecting room to this chamber -which would be Eolyn's own private bed chamber that Rihan had kept closed off to her, giving no hint of any real reason as to why he would do so other than to be able to sleep with her at his side every night.

Now, two very intriguing opportunities were set before them. Both opportunities were in the form of keys: one, the key to a hidden chamber which belonged to Eolyn, the other, the key to her husband's innermost thoughts.

Courisse’s bright and bubbly demeanor had rubbed off on Eolyn. She was correct in thinking that they could do whatever they wanted while Drien and Rihan were away. Giggling in response to Courisse’s exuberance, she said, “You’ve a much more important position now. Being my second in command.” She said with a sly smile. “If you want to mess with it you can. Rihan doesn’t seem to understand why its so hard for me to choose one. None of them are good enough. I’d be better off starting a new girl who has no experience than having to deal with women who don’t particularly care for me.”

Eolyn was uncertain as to whether it was her personality that offended these Telgar women or simply the fact she was from Igen. She wouldn’t trouble Rihan with it. Finding a maid was important to her but she felt as though she could not trust any of the candidates for the position thus far. None of them were Courisse but she had expected a certain amount of adjustment to a new maid. Still, she had expected a modicum of respect for her position no matter what Hold she might be from. She was every bit a Lady Holder as Rihan was a Lord. The people here simply needed to give her a chance.

Watching Courisse open the drawer her eyes were wide. They shouldn’t mess with them. They were Rihan’s. He wouldn’t want them to pry into his things. The key that fell to the floor had her staring at the door between this room and the rooms that would be hers. As Courisse asked her questions she found herself wondering too. “I don’t think I know him well at all…” She said with a sigh. “I mean I know he cares for me and is attracted to me. He speaks as if he practiced the right things to say for Turns. I never seem to have as well thought out words as he does.”

Plopping down onto her bed, bellow down, feet in the air, she allowed herself to think maybe, what Rihan didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. “Are the entries in the journal recent?” She asked, as she had never really known that Rihan wrote in his journal. She sometimes felt as though she was as naieve as when she was first married to Rihan no matter how much more responsibility had been laid on her. “I’d like to hear what it says.” Even if it revealed things she might not want to know. Maybe he would put in there things he wanted to say but did not say. Maybe those things were hurtful. Maybe she would be better off not hearing these private thoughts.

Eolyn found it hard to resist his journal. Much harder to resist than the key and the rooms which lay beyond because she knew he would be giving them to her when he tired of her. Men wanted their rooms to themselves when they grew bored of their wives or angry with them. She had yet to really see Rihan angry. They had small spats but nothing which made her think he would want her far from him at night. Besides his sexual appetite never seemed to be sated, which made her worried should she become pregnant. What would he do with those needs when she was unable to fulfill them? She didn’t like where those thoughts led her.

Quietly watching her best friend, she wondered if Courisse found this all more intriguing than she did.

Rihan seemed not to write much of women or trivial thoughts. Courisse was left thumbing through the pages, looking for any signs of juicy love affairs or secret crushes. Of course that would be the first thing Courisse would look for. She was a hopeless case when it came to such gossip; and thus far in their stay in Telgar, not one peep had come from any person's mouth about whether or not Rihan might have had any such relationships. It had left her disappointed -at least a little, even if it was a relief for Eolyn's sake- but a chance to skim through his journal might provide some sort of entertainment in that arena...hopefully not at her cousin's expense though. But Eolyn seemed just as eager to know such things. And didn't Eolyn have ever right to know what these pages held? She and Rihan were married now.

"Well it doesn't seem that he writes every day, that's for sure. Not even once a month." But when he did, they sure were long entries. Some of them went on for pages. Front and back!

Moving to plop herself on the bed next to Eolyn, she pulled one foot up under her to get comfortable as she flipped through the pages, searching for any word that might draw her interest. Thumb holding back the pages at one point where it would seem as though the leather that bound journal had been worked in the reverse direction of its binding for the sake of keeping the thing open. "This one is fairly recent." And it wasn't even to the half way point in the book. He must not write a whole lot?

In any case, Courisse was handing the book over to Eolyn then, remarking with wry humour, "You see what you can find. There's nothing fun in here, I'm sure of it." She gave Eolyn a mock pout of disappointment as she gave the journal over to her cousin. Courisse however, was glad of it in a way, because at least Eolyn could breath a bit of a sigh of relief knowing that at least he didn't keep those kinds of secrets from her -at least none he fancied writing down. But that should be an encouraging thought, right?


When Eolyn took the book from her and began looking at that very page she'd opened it to, Courisse leaned closer to her, resting some of her weight onto one hand so that she could read it, too. Looking down at that page however, it seemed as though it had been opened to a page that started off in the middle of an outpouring that began on previous pages.



"I must be able to act decisively and put an end to the threats of this group of Rebels. But wouldn't that mean taking the lives of even more men who all have families to go home to, who perhaps only believed that they were serving as a catalyst for the purpose of some greater good that I cannot see. How can I judge a man for doing what's right by his own heart? Don't I do the same? Doesn't every man? Though our hearts might disagree, we should not be made enemies. I cannot force anyone into any belief if it is not in their heart to do so, and it could only cause them further dissatisfaction if I were to treat them with any more animosity.

Yet they came after me! I would have ignored them if they had not aimed straight for the heart of me! There can be no tolerance for threats to Eolyn. I would have them suffer so greatly for ever intending her ill will!

And what of Kazage? I am sure that this exile cousin of mine is a man of frightening capability. I can sense it. He claims that he is not one of the Rebels, rather, using and manipulating them. He used them to get close to me and draw my attention upon himself. I could be just as angry at him, but he is not responsible for the Rebel’s plans. Though I want to hold him just as accountable, there is a measure of right and wrong between this man Kazage and the Rebels that I struggle to come to terms with.

I’m unable to completely blame him.

Somehow I’m unable to hate him. Is this sympathy?



So, I am lost in my choice of path. I find myself lost in the decision of how to treat the case of the Rebels. I am only a man, just as capable of anger and hatred as any other. Yet, it is because of the power I am given to determine their fate that causes me to feel as though my hands are bound to do nothing.

Like the tattoo on my back, serving as a poignant reminder, a string of fate intertwines us. This Land and its People are my servant; they are also my master. I belong to them more completely than they realize. Acting as their foundation, I can never be weak. I must provide for and protect all of them. Even if our hearts cannot agree. I will have to gain enormous power in order to do so; there is no power which can be borrowed, so I have already begun to do so on my own. Committing to doing so, I am unable to ever betray them, even if it means forgetting Myself. Indefinitely.

So, I find myself wondering if I am already devoid of personal volition; I think it must be that I stopped filling my heart with personal desires long ago -in turns so far gone I cannot remember when it must have been. If someone asked me about my own dreams, my own desires and goals in life, I don't know if I would know how to answer them honestly. Because honestly, I'm not sure I am able to tell the difference anymore, between myself and what I have been raised to be. Are they they same? Or has one simply encompassed the other so completely, the other is unrecognizable? The answer to that, I do not know?

Does that mean I will never be able to feel for myself? That I will never be allowed to decide things on my own behalf? That is a life not meant for me.


I envy common people their freedom of choice. I'm sure that people must think I am also free because of my birth right. More free than they will ever be, because I hold this very station that many have looked on with fantastical desire? Sometimes I wish I could tell them they are wrong. Because they have never held any real, significant power, they cannot understand how constricting it is. I don't have it in me though, to regret being where I am now. Not for the sake of wealth or notoriety, but because it would be ultimately inconsiderate of me to do so.

If someone were to ask, 'Do you regret having to give up your freedom to care after this land and every single one of these people, even those you hate?' Then I would have to answer disagreeably. If I said 'Yes, I have regret', it would cause someone grief.
This is my duty. That person should know that a man has no choice but to fulfill his duty, regardless of whether or not he likes it. Even if I chose to go my own way and take a different path, wouldn't it be a waste of the skills and the life that I've been given? Following a path of my own choosing, in that light, would only dishonour those who have come before me and worked so hard to sustain me in such a difficult place. No good would come of my leaving this position or even beginning to entertain those kinds of ideas. Only selfishness could arise from such thoughts. So, I must find pleasure and happiness in filling this position, no matter what. I must make it my true desire to fulfill this duty.


I guess it is one of my great fears to have anyone perceive me in some negative light, even if Holders do seem far removed from the rest of the world from where they stand. After all, what less selfish position could there be, I ask you, than to dedicate one's life to making the lives of others a little better, ensuring that they are given the opportunity to create a joyful, peaceful, prosperous life for themselves and their families?

I want that they should wish the same thing for me.


That brings me back to the thing which troubles my heart most of all at current: How do I bring about the retribution I hope to see, while saving the lives of others from being plunged into a cycle of eternal hatred for their fellow man and their Holder? Can I win over their hearts instead? Is such a thing possible?

Is such a thing even reasonable after the Rebels tried to bring ruin to everything I hold dear? If I were to ignore the outcome, I would want nothing more than to completely and utterly destroy the Rebels; by my own hands. But...were I to actually do so, I'm not sure what greater good I would be serving? If I did...would it really be in hopes of the betterment of my corner of the world? I'm afraid not.

More and more, I get the feelings that there is more to all of this than we are able to presently understand, so I hesitate to act rashly. There is no moral path yet laid before me, so confrontation with the Rebels would therefore serve only one purpose: to fight. Purely and simply.

On the side of who? Myself? On the side of Kazage, the Exile cousin who intrigues me, and for no other reason? My enemies would never know the tumult in my heart, the confusion that I have no clear path. They would only know the bite of the blade I sent to hunt them down.

So it seems my retribution is postponed. Going to them at this point, it would not be as an enemy, nor as a conqueror. Nor would it be to reduce their vile existence to nothingness.

I would only go to them because, without any moral path before me, with the Rebels is where I would belong.”


Almost as an afterthought, Rihan left a number of lines between the ending of that thought an another which apparently trailed after.

"Rest assured, no matter how it is obtained though, I will achieve a power much greater than their own. Then, they will all recognize me as their Head -no other. And one day, when I take my father's place, my power over all Telgar will be absolute. And there, under the safeguard of that power, my dearest Eolyn will be able to be at my side without worry."


They must have read through several pages when Courisse looked over at Eolyn, gauging her cousin's expression. She herself, found herself a bit astonished to say the least, at the depth of Rihan's thoughts. He really was so serious, wasn't he? She wondered what Eolyn would make of it all.

Reading the disappointment on her face when Courisse said there wasn’t anything fun in the journal, Eolyn smirked. She knew Rihan’s nature well enough to know that he would never keep frivolous things written down. When Courisse sat on the bed to read the journal with her though, her face sobered up. She read the entry, interested in learning more about what went on in her husband’s mind. While she was relieved that no other woman seemed to be on his mind she was equally concerned.

Her eyes may have begun to water a little as she read about how he felt trapped by his position. She too felt that way although for different reasons. She was isolated similarly to how he was. The people who worked with her could never understand the pressure being a future Lady Holder held for her. This only reaffirmed in her mind and heart that Rihan’s heart understood hers.

With every sentence she realized how much he had thought about when she had been kidnapped. How many ways he must have thought to punish the men responsible all the while being incapable of doing much without knowing who was truly behind it. Now they had been revealed to him it was a bit of a quandary to decide how he should act.

The last paragraph had her trying to wipe the tears in her eyes away before she actually cried. She couldn’t understand why she felt so emotional but she couldn’t stop them from coming. “I wish I knew how to help him.” She said softly as the tears fell quietly from her eyes. Eolyn was so isolated from everything growing up that she had no idea how to deal with the more complex emotions and feelings her husband had. She had no way of helping his conscious as he searched for the right path.

“I cannot help him or give him advice like I should be able to. What can I do Courisse?” She was young but she wasn’t sure she had been as prepared for this position as she would have liked to have been. Eolyn was often unaware of how much pressure she put on herself in her attempts to be perfect. She had been the perfect daughter, the perfect junior Lady and now she found herself struggling to be what her position required her to be and it scared her.

Terribly concerned for her cousin when Eolyn began crying, Courisse took the book and the key from her Lady's hands, closing the key between the pages they had read. "My dear cousin. Should we put the book away now? I don't know that it would be a good idea to go on reading if it's going to make you cry like so."

Courisse set the book down on the bed between them so that if Eolyn did want to look through it again she could, but until then, she had leaned over to wipe tears from her cousin's face, "I'm sure if there's anything you could do for him he would tell you. But that might take some asking first. Lord Rihan seems like the kind of person to take everything onto his own shoulders without asking anyone for help." Courisse sat back then onto one of her hands, offering a gentle smile to Eolyn. "I bet if he knew you were so concerned about him, he would open up to you. Mmmmm..." Arching a brow just then, Courisse wondered aloud, hoping she wasn't being too intrusive, "Do you two ever really...talk?"

Waving the thought away with a hand, she completed the thought, "It doesn't really matter. You must talk to him first. That's just what men are like. They'll never really open up to you until you open up to them first. So that's all you need to do. I'm sure of it. He'll probably even be glad of it. The two of you will be able to become even more intimate." That smile having widened, Courisse seemed pleased by her answer, hopeful of a positive outcome, so exuberance had returned to those clear blue eyes, offering even more reassurance.

Eolyn had to admit, she never really thought to talk openly with him about what he had written in the journal. When they were alone they didn’t spend a lot of time talking. She had tried to make his bedroom more of a sanctuary where he wouldn’t have to deal with anything that he had to during the day. Maybe she also saw it as a refuge where she could forget what was troubling her and just enjoy his presence. They needed more from each other; she had not known it till Courisse mentioned it.

“I’ll talk to him tonight.” She promised her cousin, now that her tears had stopped. “Thank you.” She said, glad once more that Courisse was with her, here at Telgar River Hold. If she had stayed at Igen things would have been so much worse for Eolyn here. She needed her best friend more than ever now.

---


It was several candlemarks later that she awaited Rihan in his room. She was pacing for quite a while already, having rehearsed what she wanted to say over and over again in her head. She was prepared for bed as always, her hair was down and brushed, her face was washed, she wore a long, cream colored chemise under her plush robe. There were well made slippers on her small feet. All she could do was wait and hope that Rihan would understand and want to talk. She thought she knew him well enough to believe that he would give her some time to say what she wanted to say though she was doubtful as to how well he would in fact take her words.

What she would say and how she would say it , had occupied her thoughts since Courisse left her earlier. She didn’t really know how to bring any of it up without mentioning she had read one of his journal entries. He wouldn’t like that and she would not blame him in the least if he was angry they had pried into his private thoughts. Earlier she had become emotional, she was determined not to be a blubbering mess when she spoke to her husband. He would be here any minute, or so she had been telling herself for the last candlemark.

She was perfectly composed and calm…other than the pacing.

When they'd talked a while longer and determined it would be time for Rihan to return soon, Courisse excused herself from their bed chambers and made her way to her own room in the central wing of the Hold.


When the sun had already set, Rihan had made his way back home, laughing with Drien as they came back to their hold. A meal had been prepared and brought for them on their trek so they had already eaten, leaving the two only to part ways after a tiresome day so that they could catch up on their rest. Of course, the only thing that occupied Rihan's mind at that point, was his wife. Rihan adored Eolyn and was so grateful to have such a wonderful woman to arrive home to. He would have to mention to Drien that he too, be married soon. Perhaps they could find someone just as wonderful for his cousin, then they could truly share in the happiness of the relationships they had with their wives.

As Rihan got to the stairs leading up to the next level of the Hold, Rihan's steps quickened, always finding himself eager to be with Eolyn. The approach of his boots could probably be heard even though the stone floors were lain with a central aisle of colourful carpeting in the form of a very long rug that ran the length of every almost every hold corridor; so it would be no surprise when his hand turned on the lever of the door and he entered.

His expression was pleased by the day's achievements and his naturally stormy grey eyes danced with pleasure upon seeing Eolyn there waiting for him. Though, he was sensitive enough about her moods to understand that something troubled her at present. So, while he moved to where she stood, Rihan removed his outer-wear, laying his jacket and vest he'd worn that day over the arm of a plush blue velvet, wing-backed chair facing the hearth.

Closing the distance between them, one of Rihan's hands went to rest at Eolyn's hip, sliding under the outer robe she wore so that only that very thin chemise was between them. His other, rose to stroke the side of her cheek with the back of his hand in a manner of great tenderness. Of course by that time, he'd drawn very near to her, those reflective orbs of silvery hue showing his concern for her. "I think I know you well enough by now to tell when you are not in your best mood. Is there something that troubles you?"

Of course, Rihan felt it was part of his duty to the hold to help others in times of trouble where he could, but Eolyn was a very special case to him. He still had not told her just how much she meant to him; he rarely ever said 'i love you', and yet she was the most important thing to him, in his mind. This though, was how he showed his affections, in the bedroom at night and by the thoughtful things that he did for her.

Seeing her husband come in the door, she tried to smile for him like she normally did. She was happy to see him and happy to see that he seemed well. Nothing he said would dissuade her from saying what she needed to tonight, nor would his amorous attentions either. Even as he pulled her to him and his touch sent a pang of desire through her body, she knew she better speak before she lost control of herself. Rihan saw through her as he normally did which to her was a perfect example of how much he loved her. He cared enough to learn her body language.

Eolyn was perfectly composed when she went to open her mouth to talk to him. Just about the time she did so, she felt her emotions getting the better of her so that her first sentence sounded choppy. Before she could even get to the second, she had dissolved into tears completely. “I didn’t mean to pry into your business my love but we found your journal and I had no idea so much troubled you.” The tears were for him as her concern for him was real.

Since her tears didn’t seem to dissipate she pushed her face into his shoulder and tried to collect herself. When her breathing became normal she lifted her red blotchy face to look at him, “I should know what troubles you. I should know if you are worried about something or if you need something. I have failed you in that respect.” She said, looking back down. His happiness meant everything to her whether he could discern that from her words or not.

At the instant Eolyn gave into her emotions and started to cry, Rihan's expression could only become confused. His body followed suit, not sure what to do until she tucked her head into his shoulder, at which point he held her whole body against him with a strength he hoped that would become reassuring. When she was able, and began to speak, his brow raised in curiosity to hear that she'd found the book he wrote his troubles in, but that dark brow quickly furrowed in a more concerned expression as she admitted that she'd not only read it, but that someone else had also done so. He immediately expected that other person to be her cousin Courisse.

That expression of concern though, when she came to look back up at him a couple of minutes later, was for her. And..that expression did melt away into a soft smile as he procured the use of a kerchief folded neatly beneath the wide belt about his waist in order to blot her tears dry, hoping they would soon subside. The entire time, he was quiet, the concern and the smile playing tug of war with his features even as he finally decided to scoop her up into his arms.

Carrying Eolyn to the second large wing-backed chair of blue velvet before the burning fireplace near their bed, he set her back to her feet and then sat down, pulling her by the wrist to join him. The chair was wide enough that she would be able to sit comfortably on his lap at an angle, resting against him; and that's just how he would have it. In front of a warm fireplace, in a place created for their peace and rest, held in the embrace of her beloved, surely Eolyn would be able to find comfort there and her emotions could calm.

Finally, after taking a deep breath, he addressed the issue, his tone of voice gentle and holding traces of shared concern. Rihan was realizing that for the love they shared, they should be more intimate and open with their thoughts as well as their bodies. She was right. In marriage, shouldn't that be only natural? Likewise, he berated himself for having caused her concern at all. That was something that would have to be mended. "How much of that silly journal did you read?" Honestly he was rather surprised that she would be so troubled by the things in it as to be brought to tears. Eolyn was such a precious little thing to him. Her heart was so good and so warm toward others -he was glad to see that she held the most concern for him.

"You're probably right though. We should speak more of our hearts to one another." Rihan smiled again, but this time out of the humour he saw in the proposed circumstance, "As long as every time we talk my Love is not brought to tears. I did tell you that you are most important to me, didn't I? And that one day I would explain to you why?" Watching her, he thought that tonight might be the best time to reveal to her just how much she meant to him.

Her eyes were dried quickly with his use of the handkerchief. She attempted a small smile when he finished but was quickly taken up into his arms and carried to one of the chairs by the fire. Eolyn allowed him to lead her to the position he wanted her to be in on the chair, feeling completely comforted and loved by her husband. “Only a few pages, although apparently it was enough because I was able to see what I’ve been unable to see before.” She was pretty sure that made next to no sense. He was patient though and would listen to her.

She was nestled in close to him, her head leaning on his shoulder as she thought about what she would say. “I will be more open with you.” She said, “I am used to being Courisse so I’m sure some of the things that will concern me will bore you but I think then we will learn more and understand one another better.” The pause in her words was only so she might word her next sentence better. “We have so few people we can trust with our innermost thoughts, we should at the very least be able to trust one another with them.”

Eolyn allowed herself to smile then. She knew his nature was not to be overly loving in front of people and that he did not say I love you much but she never doubted his heart. Even if he didn’t love her it wouldn’t change her feelings for him and her feelings were that she loved him more dearly than anyone else in the world. Nodding, she allowed herself to acknowledge that he had indeed said as much to her before.

Even if she were aware she was more emotional than she had been before Eolyn would never use it as an excuse. She was emotional because her feelings concerning him mattered more than her other feelings. Eolyn was not as great with words as her husband was. She wanted to express her love for him better than she was able to in that moment though he already knew how much she loved him. “Do you think you can tell me now?” If he did, she would tell him how she was feeling in return.

While she talked, Rihan tenderly stroked a hand through her hair, periodically bringing fingertips to trace ever so gently along the side of her face or her neck. Even now, as they talked more seriously than they had at any other time, Rihan proved still to be an incredibly amourous man. Of course, his attention was on her words and on any gesture that showed her discomfort or displeasure. If any appeared, it would quickly be remedied.

It was good to hear they had not read through much of the book; not that he meant to hide anything, but in a way, he did. Primarily from Courisse. The woman was incessantly chatty and if there were things there that could be offensive to someone else, written within the book to vent his own emotional turmoil, he'd rather her not have possession of those thoughts, and allow himself to deal with them privately in his own way. There was always the possibility that she could open her mouth at an inopportune moment concerning those words and cause him unnecessary trouble.

"You didn't find anything else in that book, did you?" Referring to the key of course, but he didn't specify on the thought further. She must have become so troubled by the reading she never got a chance to try the key out on the adjoining bedroom suite.

Confirming his words regarding her importance, Rihan managed another smile; this one more free of the worry that had been so apparent on his features moments earlier. He'd begun gazing into the tongues of flame, speaking softly just between the two of them in a way that might perhaps make one wonder if he was talking to himself of wistful thoughts. "To be gentle, one must first be strong. Weakness is often confused for being gentle, simply because one lacks the strength to be anything but. So, weakness is not capable of showing true gentleness in that respect, whereas, if a person is very strong, there is a definite temperance that must be called upon in order to have that kind of tenderness.

"So, power comes before gentleness. And without power, who would need me? How could I be of help to anyone without it in this position? Without it, would even you be able to trust in me so completely?

If I were a man without power, would you still come to me? Could you still give yourself to me as wholly as you do now? Would your heart let you find such desperate attraction to a man without it?" Rihan whispered then, his eyes returning to appreciate her form where she lay across his lap, that free hand moving to unbutton the robe she wore, sliding it and the chemise off her shoulder to expose it. "Don't lie. The heart is not as logical as we would like it to be. Every woman wants to know that her man is powerful enough to protect her."

Rihan was kissing the top of her head then, fingers stroking over the bare skin he'd left there, tracing across from her collar bone to her shoulder. "Power is an elusive thing though, of which most people in this world have little understanding. One does not create power, nor can one borrow it; power must be given -transferred willingly from one heart to another. Only by the transfer of power many times over does it begin to accumulate and grow.

"So, if you must know, this is why I must have great strength and why you mean so much to me." Grinning down at her, Rihan tapped an index finger on the tip of her nose teasingly, going on to explain, "The strength of a leader is only proportionate to that of his people. Conversely, the strength of the leader determines the strength of the people. If I am weak, then the strength of my subordinates is no greater than that of a sorry group of misfits. In other words, the stronger I become, the more invincible my people will be, then power reverts back to me.

"To be strong like that, I must become a warrior at heart and forge unbreakable bonds with great allies so that great power is transferred back into my hands. My life will no longer simply be concerned with protecting others as it has been, nor being protected, rather..My life will be about trusting, and in return, being trusted by others. Without someone who believes in me and trusts me, all of that power falls away."

Rihan lifted her chin to gaze into her eyes, his own on the verge of filling with tears; the subject was obviously a deeply emotional one for him, which he felt passionately about, "You might believe that as small and delicate as you are, you would be the least significant of all, in these eyes. Never doubt yourself, Eolyn. Not ever. Your faith and love for me I rank above all others because more than anyone else I know, your heart is your greatest strength. Because you believe in me and trust in me, you are my greatest source of strength. I can never be without you. The foundation of this very land would crumble."

Though no tears fell, the tremor and the heat of his passion could be felt on his voice, and after that, Rihan held Eolyn against his chest tightly with both arms, burying his face into her hair, kissing the top of her head.

In a soft voice she admitted, “There was a key.” Reassuring him that they had done nothing with the key she said, “I would never open the rooms without you. I want you to share in that moment with me.” Yes, she had determined the key belonged to the rooms adjoining his which would one day be hers to use. She was quiet then, listening carefully to what he said.

Could she truly say she would love him if he were anything but what he was, not only who he was? Were they even separate at this point? Would he love her if she was anything but what she was or who she was? Eolyn was certain part of their attraction for one another to begin with even when she did not know he was her betrothed she could sense a likeness of spirit. Their souls, if one could call them that, were similar. Her heart understood his and vice versa. If that had to do with power then it did. If she were a drudge she would have nothing in common with him, and would not love him even with his power. She had to disagree with him a little there. Not all women were so concerned with being protected.
She felt a small tremble go through her body as he began to trace her exposed collar bone.

Combined with the tenderness in his voice, she could feel herself wanting more than a talk just now. No wonder they didn’t talk much, she thought with a smile. Her eyes now meeting his she could see the depth of his feeling in his eyes. Eolyn wondered if he knew just how much she loved him. Were her feelings so easy to read where his were not?

He was the most fascinating person she had ever met. Even now, the depth of his emotions were a surprise although not an unwelcome one. She let him hold onto her as tightly as he needed to. She was there, he could feel she was. “Oh, Rihan.” She said in a whisper, “I will never leave you.” She reassured him, kissing his neck which was closer than his lips. “Can you see how I love you? Every day I love you more. Thoughts of you consume me when we are apart and even now when I’m with you I cannot think of anything but you.” Her mouth had moved up his neck to his chin, with the end of every sentence planting a new kiss.

Now she only had one other worry and it was something she dared not speak of; her lack of conceiving. Some women took longer, than others. She would be patient a while longer and then she would see the healers. He could not become Lord Holder if she was barren and he remained married to her. He would have to cast her aside and marry someone who could provide him heirs. The thought of being without him had her arms moving around him, as if they could hold him to her forever.

Her body moved so that she was now facing him, her legs wrapping around his waist. Eolyn’s mouth was on his then. Words were no longer necessary, she could feel his desire rising with hers and could no longer keep herself from acting on it.

Was that enough to quell her worries for now? Rihan lowered his head to meet her lips, and while she straddled him, both hands worked the robe from her arms, tossing it to the floor. Hands sliding beneath the fine chemise she wore, he could feel the slight chill on her skin after being exposed as he drew the garment up over her head, leaving her body bare.

Wrapping arms supportively around her, since her legs already encircled his waist, Rihan stood from the chair, lifting her as he went. Considering how light she was, it was only awkward because of the sitting position. "Hang on tight." He smiled, reaching with one arm to grab a thick blanket that'd been folded nearby for getting cozy by the fire. As best he could with one hand then, Rihan let it unfold and let it fall in an uneven spread over the floor between the chairs, in front of the warm hearth so that they could lay down upon it. Even with the rug beneath them, the floor might be a little hard, but at least the blanket would help. It was large and warm and ...in eachother's arms, they would likely forget all about hard floors.

So Rihan brought her to lay on the floor, kneeling beside her where his own clothing became a pile. He had laid next to her then, wrapping her in his arms, drawing her against him, so that they could continue from where they'd left off.