Soul wrenching tears (Tsuki)

She didn't think she could breathe. As soon as she closed his door, she felt like she was losing control of her sanity. At first she sunk down against the door, trying to breath before walking. When her breath was collected, she did what she could to keep herself from crying but the tears came anyway.

Veya tried to move quickly but tears kept her from being able to see straight so that she actually walked into a couple of people. Until finally walking into a familiar face, at which point, her arms became limbs with minds of their own and clung to the person for moment before letting them go.

"Tsuki, I'm sorry..." She felt bad for stopping the girl from wherever she was going. "Can we..talk..somewhere... not here or the barracks?"

She needed to talk to someone. Not her brother or sister because they would remind her what kind of person S'jiro could be. It would all be horrible stuff and they would make her feel worse rather than better because she loved that arrogant, conceited, elitist asshole more than they could understand. More than most people might.

Honestly she didn't really know what she was supposed to do now. The thought of things being over between them just created more tears.

Having been on her way back to her personal quarters anyway, Tsuki adjusted the basket of neatly folded laundry she brought back with her, where it rested between her hip and the supporting arm. Expression fixing with concern and curiosity as Veyani came to her in tears, Tsuki would never have had the heart to say no to her.

"Of course. Why don't you come with me back to my room. I'm headed there, anyway."


Tsuki made haste in getting back to her room, setting the basket of laundry just inside the door where she could go back to it later. 

"Sweetheart, come tell me what's wrong." Tsuki spoke sweetly, her quiet voice generally soothing, as it were. Making sure the door closed behind them, the girl took Veyani's hand, and walked with her to the low-burning hearth fire where cushioned chairs were set.

Taking a seat in one, after she'd seen to it that Veyani made herself comfortable, she went, feeling the need to inquire, "Would some warm tea be nice? There is some already made."

"I probably shouldn't..." She meant impost on Tsuki because Tsuki loved her brother and would not want to be in the middle of all of this. Still she couldn't face the Barracks right now and who knew where Emerene had got to. Besides she had been clear that Tsuki was her friend, from the beginning.

She walked into Tsuki's quarters but the crying continued the entire way. Veyani looked like she would never smile again as she sat down across from Tsuki, nect to the fire. She wasn't balling but no matter how calm she seemed, tears kept rolling out.

"He said and I quote : I don't want you anymore!" The words were repeated in the tone that S'jiro had used so there could be no mistaking their meaning and sent her into a fit of crying again.

"I can't think about drinking anything right now Tsuki." She couldn't think about anything except how much she loved S'jiro and how he was being so completely ridiculous thinking he could just end it. Didn't she get a say in any of it? "I'm not mad at him..." Well maybe a little but not enough to cause her to cry.

"I just don't understand...he is still in love with me Tsuki. Why isn't that enough?"

Though her face was veiled by thin fabric, it was clear that Tsuki seemed almost as equally shocked by the news as Veya. Seeing Veyani cry, and knowing just how in love they both had been, brought tears to her own eyes as she echoed, "What?.... Why-"

But she knew. If Tsuki had to guess, she knew what the reason was; and she knew it likely had something to do with his engagement to Indylari.

Tusuki had estimated that their mother had not found Veyani a favourable partner for S'jiro when he took her to their Hold, and thereby, had taken further steps to try and force S'jiro's hand into following through with things. But, perhaps unlike Veyani, S'jiro and all of their siblings,.. they were used to being used and manipulated for political purposes. It was almost so expected, so second nature, they hardly thought about it's full influence on their lives. It was a reality they'd grown so accustomed to, that they barely questioned it. Not in the same way that someone like Veyani did.


As Tsuki watched Veyani across from her, she hardly knew what to say. She too, felt angry and resentful at what was happening, due to the reflection it gave her on her own past experiences. She, too, wanted to see her brother happy, and in love. But.. even in Tsuki's mind, though she wanted to slap him and make him follow his heart, and not that terrible, lacking and cold logic that had been instilled in them, she could understand the likely reasons behind what he'd done.

In that way, she felt as though, as a friend, she was betraying Veyani. Because on the one hand, she knew what her brother was going through, and how difficult it must be for him, too. On the other hand however, Tsuki had become more free with her feelings since joining the Harper Hall, and consequently, arriving at the Weyr.

Her voice echoed again, "Veya..." Looking down into her lap, she felt the tears fall to where she held her hands in her lap. "I don't know what to say. I... .... S'jiro... "

Knowing her brother, he'd probably said terrible things, to push Veyani away. He must have had a strong resolve to do so. Tsuki had observed just how much he loved Veyani.

"Did he say why, Veya?"

"Its okay Tsuki, you don't have to say anything." Veyani said, she tried not to take to heart too much of what he said because she knew it wasn't true. Not all of it anyway. One day he would realize what he had done to them and how completely ridiculous it was.

She felt the tears drying up but only because she had no tears left. Veyani's face was red and splotchy, her eyes were bloodshot and dry. "I think you know." She sighed, "First he told me that he knew from the beginning things were not going to work between us and that he had just been playing a game." Which was obviously a lie. "I finally got him to admit the truth even if he chooses to ignore it and go with his more colorful version of things."

She stared at the fire,"It is unfair that he thinks I never sacrificed anything important to have the life I want. What about what I gave up to come here? Does he think my family had any less of a demand for me than yours has for him? I was supposed to be married off too, to better my family in one way or another. I chose to separate myself. I may never be welcome at my parent's farm again..."

Veyani put her hands in her lap, "It is his life. He can choose to be miserable." And she shouldn't care. He was so frustrating and he had made his decision and she shouldn't care one way or another. "I just wish I wasn't too."

Nothing anyone could say would make her feel better. She loved him and he had chosen not to be with her. Every memory she had of him was now tainted with the thought that he didn't love her as much as she loved him. She was letting him go but she wasn't. She couldn't entirely. No one would ever be able to get as close to her again. Veyani knew there was no going back. Some hurts went so deep that nothing could make them better. Not time, not new relationships, nothing.

This despair was what she was feeling now.

Tsuki was quiet for a moment, thinking over the other girl's words. There was nothing either of them could do, obviously, to make S'jiro change his mind... there was only finding a way to cope with the fallout. So, she tried to console Veyani in some way.

"Wasn't it hard for you to leave your family? To think that you'd not be welcome there again?"

Tsuki paused, trying so speak in an understanding way, but liken Veya and S'jiro's situations so perhaps there might be more understanding between them.

"Isn't it a little harsh to ask him to do the same thing? To never have that contact with his family again?"

Again, she paused, "Love isn't that selfish, is it? Love is kind and understanding.... I think...it's just that the love you both have... is stuck in a very difficult situation."

Even as she spoke the words, Tsuki couldn't help but crying silent tears. Why did they both have to go through so much pain? Why couldn't things be resolved another way?

"There is still time... before the wedding. Do you think, if you give him his space for a little while, things might turn out another way? Maybe we can figure something out. After all.... we do have the rest of the Bronze Four to count on. I think that if we asked, the others might at least try to talk some sense into him somehow."

Honestly, Tsuki didn't know. She didn't know about the future. She didn't know if there was any hope of Veyani and S'jiro being together. But what she did know is that they'd been happy together, and that S'jiro had changed when he was with Veya. And she knew that things just wouldn't be the same without Veyani in his life anymore...

Suddenly... Tsuki was getting the idea that somehow, she had to try to turn things around for them. So, under her breath, she whispered, "Veyani, I can't promise anything, but I want to try to change how things are now." She knew how to play their games. She'd just have to come up with a plan, first.

Veyani's facial expression was blank now and melding with a monotone voice it might make her seem bitter. She wasn't bitter, she just needed more time to sort out what she was feeling. She had never been in a relationship before. How could she know what to expect. "No...at the moment I do not think it is too harsh." After all, he was the one who had been harsh with her.

This time she shook her head, snapping out of that monotone to give a little laugh. The laugh was not happy nor amused and actually sounded more sad. "Have you seen Indylari? Symmetrical features, hourglass figure, perfect skin and lets not forget the right family." He wasn't just going to give up on his future with Indylari now and the other woman had a lot more going for her.

Another tear started to form in her eye, "It is so much harder to let him go than it would be if he didn't love me. I can see he doesn't want me to know. He wants me to think he hates me."

Listening to Tsuki, she said, "No. I can't ask you to do that Tsuki. He needs you. I won't have you breaking his trust now because of me. Not when he is really going to want you around." All that talk of her being selfish and she knew Tsuki was right. She was selfish because she couldn't be happy knowing S'jiro was miserable.

Honestly, Tsuki didn't know what more she could say. Nothing a person could say would be able to ease the heartache that Veyani must be feeling. And obviously, Tsuki was unable to change her brother's mind about things for the time being.

There had to be some way of distancing him from their mother's influence. Perhaps some other way would surface, in regards to handling all of this differently.

For now however, Tsuki just needed to offer what consolation she could to Veyani and calm the girl down.



As for what Veyani had said about S'jiro's feelings toward her, the Harper Apprentice knew that she was right. She'd never seen her brother in such a state, prior to their meeting. There was no denying that Veyani's presence in his life had made a giant impact.

Looking down into her lap, Tsuki quietly spoke those thoughts, "Yes. I think you're right. He must care deeply for you." But again, she refrained from saying more, because nothing she could say would change the decision he'd made. At least for the time being.


After a moment, she tried to offer a reassuring smile, getting up from her seat to pour them some warm tea. "Well, I don't care what you say, a little tea will warm and calm you. So, just sit with me a while longer, and finish a cup, with me."

Returning in front of the hearth with two small cups, she passed one into Veyani's hands before taking her place in the adjacent chair again.

For some reason it didn't seem to help to know that he did care or to hear that Tsuki agreed. Of course he did but it was easier for him to pretend he didn't. There was probably no good way to break up with another person but she felt like nothing she had done was the cause of all of this. She simply came from the wrong family. It was bullshit.

Veyani didn't want to talk much more anyway. There was nothing to be said. They would have tea as Tsuki wanted but she already felt bad for saying anything to Tsuki. Obviously she was putting the other girl in a bad position. S'jiro was her brother.

"Alright but after, I can't impose on you any more." She paused, and said in a serious tone, "I know we've kind of become friends and I'll still be there if you really need but I think that it might be easier on you if you don't interact with me much either." Her mouth came together in a frown. "He's your brother and he is going to need you."

To be honesty, Tsuki didn't like that Veyani was assuming Tsuki would just stop trying to support either one of them -her brother OR Veyani. Tsuki didn't feel like she needed to make a choice between one or the other, and no one should have to ask her to. So, after sipping on her own cup of tea, she looked down into her lap, and replied quietly, perhaps even darkly. "Veyani, I'm not picking sides here. You're both dear to me, and that won't change. I can go to see my brother any time I want to, and there's the Bronzerider's lounge, too. He also knows where I teach and practice my songs. You don't have to shy away from here, or from me, just because of this." She, like Veya, still needed her friends. 

"Anyway, you can always send a note to see where we can meet -but it's not like either one of you will be able to avoid one another forever. You and he both, are going to have to face that you'll still be around eachother sometimes. You live in the same weyr." The upset in her voice was evident, but she still controlled the volume of it, and did not lift her eyes to meet Veya's. 

Sniffling, she tried to figure out what she would do next, once Veya had gone from here. She thought she might go speak with Sh'nar and see if her brother's best friend knew anything about all of this. Maybe S'jiro had spoken to him. Tsuki wanted to see Sh'nar anyway -she had other things to say to him as well.