I may be crazy (Jang and Lancelle)

The Weyrling had made sure she looked put together before leaving Raidenth's ledge. The green inspected her rider carefully. Lance had her unruly hair back in a french braid, though strands around her face escaped making her look less together than she would have liked. Hair couldn't be helped sometimes. She had bathed a short while earlier and had made sure all her leathers looked well cared for before putting them on. It wasn't that she didn't take care of her things normally but she wanted to make sure that the healer could see she would do well in a wing, that she could handle responsibility without cracking.

Lance supposed she should be thanking S'dric. He had pulled some strings to get her a consult with the healer to see if she really needed to be held back. Although having ones mental state examined by a healer probably already warranted some speculation on the part of the Weyr leadership. Apparently even though they had riders like Sh'nar loose around the Weyr she was potentially dangerous to the survival of her future wing.

It irked her more than she could express into words that yet again she was being punished for the mistake of a Bronzerider. Before coming to the Weyr she had thought color of dragon didn't matter but now, well she had learned it to be quite the opposite. It did matter and you were judged based on the color of your dragon's hide.

Truth be told, Lancelle had difficulty letting things go. She hung on to things well past when she should allowing herself to become easily angered by situations. She would go over the what ifs in her head until the day she died. Nothing got the sound of dragons keening for their dead out of her head nor the complete coldness of her own emotions as she stayed completely calm, keeping her own dragon from Betweening in confusion or fear. To some at the time she seemed to feel no remorse though things could not have been further from the case.

So now they had to determine whether she should be allowed to be in a regular wing or if she needed more time to get over her issues while being a Weyrling. Healer Jang was supposed to be fairly good at this, so she hoped he would see that she had been trying and that she wanted more than anything to live as if she were normal, even if she wasn't. Being held back was not going to help anyone.

She entered the infirmary a few minutes early because she would rather be early than late for these kinds of things. "Healer Jang, are you in? Its Lancelle of Green Raidenth." She called into the infirmary as she came in.

The Senior Journeyman Healer had been on the far side of the infirmary room which he served as the primary care giver amoungst many other Junior Journeyman and Apprentice Healers who assisted him specifically. This particular room had been designated as an infirmary, research lab as well as private office, and also had an adjacent store room for supplies. The fairly large room also connected to a garden for his research purposes.

The entire space was well organized and softly lit by light that filtered through the windows near the door heading to the small garden space. A gentle, cleansing diffusion of Camphor oil into the air brought a further sense of calm about the space.

Where a number of those apprentices and jr. journeyman worked at tables situated with their materials, only one worked over a patient at a bedside, and beyond them all, along a far wall, the man Lance had come looking to meet had his back turned, bent over a couple of small stone bowls he'd been grinding a mixture of herbs in and taking notes in a book.

Of course, as Lance came in, the eyes of a couple of the assistants turned up to her, one head turning over a shoulder to glance back at the Senior Healer to see that he'd heard the girl's calling for him. Jang set his stylus down, placing its tip in the ink well for the holding, before he turned to greet Lance with his eyes first -then, almost with the recognition of a familiar face, a quiet smile found its way there upon his features, sitting just beneath the shadow of a mustache.

Making his way to her, he gestured toward one of the patient beds, "Please, have a seat. You'll have to remind me your name again. It's been a while since I spoke with S'dric about your coming." In all actuality, it was difficult to forget such a unique name, but engaging patients in speech was one of the simplest methods of beginning to analyze their health -be it physical or mental. It was also polite; and most people took kindly to others taking an interest in them. So that is what he would do for now.

Even as she went to sit down on one of the beds covered in soft, white linen sheets, Jang went on shortly with another question to entice more from her. "S'dric said that you are getting ready to graduate with the Weyrling class, but the Weyrling Master has been giving you a hard time?" At that, the smile gently broadened, only expanding in its good humour and warmth.

Looking past the assistants, Lance saw Jang put away his writing in order to come and greet her. “My name is Lancelle but call me Lance, everyone else does.” Was that the right thing to do? She wondered, because maybe she should have just stuck with Lancelle. These mental analysis tests were tricky and it was probably best that she didn’t over examine them. As he gestured for her to sit, she did so. These tables always made her uncomfortable but she supposed she never really liked being around Healers. If there were Healers involved it meant something was wrong and she didn’t much like the thought that something was wrong. After all, nothing was wrong with her. She was perfectly normal.

Nodding, “Yes he is concerned about my mental stability.” And he should be. If she didn’t graduate she was holding that piece of shit personally responsible and had every intention of making his sad little life even sadder. “Raidenth and I are the sole survivors of the Weyrling Wing who Betweened into that mountain side. The Weyrling Master thinks that even though Raidenth is fully recovered and ready to be part of a Wing that I am not.” She didn’t need to say that the idea angered her.

“I don’t know how these things are supposed to go but I’m going to be perfectly honest with you right now.” It was just like her to be honest and straight to the point. She never liked small talk and did not like tip toeing around important issues because most people wanted time to think before they spoke. Lance was more the speak whats on your mind now type if she was going to speak at all. Some of the more emotional things in her life were not things she opened up about. The mere fact that she was talking about the incident like it happened and was in the past and didn’t bother her was probably a sign that she had not really dealt with it at all.

“I have anger issues. I do blame myself for what happened and have some resentment at being left alone to deal with it. I have become close to the other Weyrlings who had been helping me through the tough times. In no way do I feel that my personal struggles will be a hindrance to a Wing.” Of course he was allowed to have a different opinion. She was just letting him know how she felt about it all. He seemed nice enough but one never could trust mind healers. They were a strange bunch, as far as she was concerned. It probably didn’t help her case at all that she was so abrupt and up front about everything.

Gentle as the rain and strong as the river's current, were true to the Healer's nature. Most patients could consider him a reassuring and warm presence to have around. So he might be in another instance; he could feel Lance's bit of nervousness instinctively though he did not really know her well enough to understand perhaps just how deep her nervousness or suspicious nature took its roots. But having heard a bit of her story from S'dric as well, he could imagine she might feel that way toward him now, seeing as how things had been with other healers and the Weyrling Master.

While she talked, Jang pulled a chair up next to the patient bed she sat upon, quietly sitting in front of her. As she spoke, he listened to her breathing and how her speech came; some mental and physical troubles even caused abnormal patterns in these. Listening to Lance until she'd told him everything she felt the need to say, he was nodding acknowledgement and it might seem by the thoughtful look in his eyes that he was mentally cataloging her complaints for reference later.

"Well, good." Jang wasn't exactly a mind healer but he was intuitive and sensitive when it came to his patients; he also preferred to treat the patients body as a whole and on a much more individual basis than using generic methods to treat symptoms to cover things up. "I'm glad that you were angry, but feel as though you've been able to learn to cope with those feelings. Let's have a look then. I'll check your physical health while you are here, as well. That way, if all is well, no one will have any reason to come back and complain." The corners of his mouth pulled into the traces of a smile that might have been to offer some reassurance.

"Stick out your tongue." Yes, it might have seemed silly so some, but the tongue could hold a lot of secrets regarding a person's health, so as soon as Lance obliged, he observed it, finding nothing to worry him. Jang went on to listen to her breathing again and palpated on her abdomen.

Pausing, Jang then reached to take her left arm, turning it over so that her palm faced skyward for him. With fingertips curling over Lance's left wrist, the Senior healer smiled gently and nodded, giving brief instruction. "Now, just breathe normally for me while I check your pulse." The entire pulse reading would take about five minutes or so, and through the process, the Senior healer grew very quiet and thoughtful, feeling Lance's pulse intuitively. It was easy to misunderstand the importance of pulse reading, but there was much more to be found in a beating heart than beats per second. Which is why his pulse taking took much longer than might seem necessary. In that span of time though, he must have appeared very focused, tuning everything else in the world out so that he could listen..only to her.

She wasn’t sure she liked that he was so, so, completely nonplussed by her information or her attitude towards the information. Lance however, knew better than to question someone who was going to hopefully save her from the embarrassment of being a Weyrling for another turn. She didn’t think she could handle that any better than she could being placed in a Wing. Watching the Healer as he began a physical examination, she wondered why he felt her body would tell him anything she hadn’t already admitted to verbally.

Lance did everything that Jang asked of her though she had no idea why it was useful.While sticking out her tongue she felt quite foolish and was relieved when he was done looking at it. Although turning her arm over and holding it out so he could get a pulse was just as strange. Lance was not a touchy-feely person and although she could be quite warm and friendly to people she cared about, she was not the sort to hug people. So even the touch of the healer’s hand on her wrist was more foreign to her than to a normal person.

She didn’t like being touched by strangers either. While he was gathering his thoughts and feeling her pulse a shiver went up her spine. It was not anything to do with him and more to do with being so stressed about the whole encounter. Still she was attempting to make a good impression on the healer. When he finished taking her pulse, she asked him, “What does my pulse say about me?”

Eyes having closed as three fingers arced over the point of pulse taking, there was only soft silence in those few minutes it took to complete the diagnosis. Lifting his head to meet her eyes, the gentle expression of sincerity was there again to reassure her. The Senior Journeyman had found what he needed to know.

"I'm sure you'll be glad to know that your pulse speaks well of you." Jang smiled at that. Though typically he did not feel the need to explain much in depth to his patients about the diagnosis and treatment they were receiving, most were typically more trusting of him in that regard; so he offered a few words to Lance that should be enough to settle her curiosities.

"People often express that our emotions come from the condition of the heart on a more metaphorical level, but the heart actually does convey many things about the body on both a physical and metaphorical level. The pulse becomes like our body's silent language about us. It can be difficult to read, like people's outward expression of emotion sometimes, but it does not lie.

"The pulse has many types of expression all its own; telling us about disease of internal organs, exhaustion, even the loss of a person's will to live. It can also speak of our intentions on a broader spectrum, for good or bad." The fact that his findings in Lance's case were not displeasing, was reinforced again by another smile. "Yours in particular is very strong, in a good way, even for someone so young. But it says that you don't completely trust me, so it was more difficult to read. Don't worry though; I can still tell that even if you are cautious with your trust and don't open up easily to others, your heart's intention is not bad. And your body is healthy, if not a little tired emotionally. It is not significantly effecting your physical health though, since you are young and your Will is very strong."

Pushing his chair back, Healer Jang stood up, gesturing that she could do the same. "I should be taking a report of your good condition to the Weyrling Master later today. There's nothing more I need from you."

Pausing for a moment, his thoughts were completed, "Should you need anything else, please pay me another visit any time."

Lance was glad, she was much happier to know that her body didn’t betray her now. She fully expected him to say she wasn’t a healer and she wouldn’t understand. However the words that came out of the man’s mouth were quite the opposite. He was telling her in detail how much he could tell from reading her vitals. If she had to see a healer again, she was specifically asking for him. He was going to answer questions and be polite and you know it was nice to hear some positives about herself from other people for a change. Other than her cousin, who was beyond biased in his opinion of her.

Sliding off the table to stand she said, “Thank you Healer Jang. I am thankful that you took the time out of your day to assess my health.” She spoke kindly. Lancelle wasn’t used to people taking up for her unless they were family. Even in the Weyrling Class without her original wing, she had had a hard time integrating into the other wing. If there were disputes the others would back eachother up first before her. And it was partly her fault for as he stated, she pushed away people whom she didn’t know.

“I will come straight to you if I ever have need of a Healer again.” She said as a way of a promise. She didn’t trust a lot of people it was true but she had reasons for that. If he continued to be open with her when she asked questions she would be more likely to trust his judgment in the future. “Thank you again.” She said and waved as she walked out of the infirmary.

(Close?)