A Kiss with a Fist (S'jiro)

He hadn’t told her anything, so she waited for Z’rim to proceed. His friends were rather protective of S’jiro’s feelings. Had he been in love before or something? She was so confused by the sudden need for all of them to protect the Bronzerider from her. What about protecting her from the Bronzerider? She was still far more innocent than any one of them could claim to be. “But, I didn’t break my promise.” She defended herself, “S’jiro pursued me. And as I recall I said I would leave him alone unless he pursued me.” So she had not broken any promise.

Once again she felt she had been thrown into a world foreign to her. Why would anyone at the weyr have an arranged marriage? And what was this business about doing what he wanted till he married. He should either be engaged and act like it or not be engaged. It was one or the other, it shouldn’t go both ways. Probably only went both ways for him, so while he could have women and whatever distraction from his engagement he wanted, his fiancé had to avoid male contact.

If S’jiro wasn’t serious more than one person would be hurt in all of this. At the moment there would be at least one person who was damaged one way or another. The thought depressed her a little. To think so much pain could derive from so much happiness. Even if she was happy that S’jiro had finally admitted to feeling something, she had not demanded a promise of any kind. She honestly didn’t know when she would see him next and even knowing he was intended for someone else, this did not concern her. She did trust him more than perhaps she should.

“Have you ever been in love Z’rim?” She asked as a way of helping him understand what she was feeling. “I don’t know if you will understand.” Maybe he would though, she might be better off explaining her feelings. “I hate him one moment and the next I want nothing more than for him to take me into his arms and tell me he loves me. I was perfectly fine not knowing him, I had normal Candidate things to do and was just trying to get adjusted to the Weyr. Now I don’t think I could imagine my life here without him.”

Her smile was warm, talking about S’jiro. “I don’t know what will happen. S’jiro should be free to choose if he wants to be with someone or not. So I’m not sure how serious we are, I have only started feeling this way the last couple of days. I’ve never had a relationship with a man which wasn’t entirely platonic before. We’ll just have to see how things go.”

She didn’t know what to think about the arranged marriage’s political implications. Veyani doubted they would be able to hold S’jiro to anything if he felt strongly enough in the opposite direction but then she did know how much he liked his status and his things. If his parents took those things away from him, how would he respond? Veyani didn’t know. She only knew there was no reason why they couldn’t figure out their feelings together and then he could decide what would be best for him. Right now though what was best for her was to try to be with him while she could.

Z'rim wanted to shake his head, thinking that Veyani should have just stayed away from his friend. He thought about the girl's words for a bit, finally realizing just how young and inexperienced, just how naive Veyani was. And she was relying on her own dumb innate honesty and guts to survive here.

Was S'jiro just trying to be cruel, knowing very well what could happen? This whole situation...

But maybe that's what they all needed? What S'jiro needed?

The Bronzerider had a hunch that his friend really did feel something for Veyani. At that, his thoughts took him back to needing to figure out how deeply S'jiro felt for her. This was not the right kind of game to be playing if that's what his friend was doing. But S'jiro had never admitted to any of them before, that he actually had feelings for a woman.


Not needing to answer Veya's inquiry about his love life, he continued to hear Veyani out. When she was finished speaking, the Bronzerdier stood there for a long moment, deciding what he should say.

Eventually, he'd decided that there was nothing really that he should say. The ending to all of this would be decided by them, and he didn't want to tell either of them how to feel or what they should do. Only their own hearts could work things out the way they needed to be. Anyway, they were about to have more than enough others to interfere with things. So, Z'rim was a little more curt than before, and got right to the point of wanting to hear from her own mouth just what she wanted to do at this point. At least then, he could start preparing himself for whatever was to come.

"What is then, that you plan to do?"

"You mean what should I do now that I know about this engagement? I need to talk to S'jiro and then we will decide what is best. I will not force myself and my feelings on him if he thinks its better to honor his engagement. And after that I will stay true to any agreement that we make between the two of us."

She wasn't expecting to be asked a million questions after drinking all that wine. And now she wasn't sure what she really would do. She wanted to talk to S'jiro. He should have been the one to tell her about his engagement. She loved him and she would love him if he decided to be with someone else.

"I only want him to be happy..." She said softly. Her eyes were looking at the ground below her and not at Z'rim. It was clear to her that the other was not happy about what was going on. She didn't understand why it was so wrong. She hadn't known he had been engaged. Maybe he was going to break it off with Indylari. And if he didn't?

Lifting her head again, "He is going to have to choose to either maintain his engagement or be with me. Or he could choose neither but its entirely up to S'jiro. Its really him you should be talking to."

Veyani was right. Z'rim would be paying S'jiro a visit soon, to have a good, long talk with him over things. And at least now he knew that at least one of the pair of them had a good head on her shoulders. S'jiro lately, he wasn't so sure about.

Well, the Bronzerider was going to wait on that talk with S'jiro until after they'd all had some sleep. It was going to be past Candidate curfews soon anyway, and Z'rim didn't want Veyani in any more trouble than she was already having to deal with.

He was nodding at her responses then, figuring there was little else that the two of them had to discuss. He'd told her his part and the rest was up to them.

Before he bade her good night and turned and walked away, Z'rim left her with a final thought, "I don't know what guts and effort alone can achieve,... but that's what you've got." Considering that thought a moment longer, the Bronzerider finished it with some sort of promise to friendship between the two of them, "I don't agree that by themselves, guts and effort are useless, but you may end up needing more than that. If you do... don't hesitate to ask. I want S'jiro to be happy, too."

He didn't really wait for her to say anything else; he just turned on a heel and started back for his own Wery, thinking that if she had anything else important she needed to say, she'd either catch up to him or sleep on it and tell him later. But, she probably had more to say to S'jiro about now.

Seeing as Z'rim had given her a lot to think about. She didn't really have anything more to say. It was ultimately S'jiro who had to make a decision for himself. However if she did need help it was nice to know Z'rim wanted S'jiro to be happy. He was lucky really to have so many people who cared about him.

"Veyani!" Speaking of people who cared, she heard her sister calling for her.

"I've got to go. Curfew. Thank you Z'rim." She said kindly and then went running off towards her sister. The other woman quickly hugged her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they walked back into the Candidate barracks.

"I didn't realize you were going to become the focus of gossip around here. Z'rim too eh? I thought one Bronzerider was enough to be tangled up in..." She sighed. Even after Veyani explained, her sister seemed concerned. "I hope you are right to stand by him, Veya. I don't think he deserves you."

Her brother was not going to be happy when he heard the rumors the next day but at least she knew her family loved her. They would never abandon her, no matter how much they might want to smack her for her idiocy.