No easy way to say it... [Tags: Indy!]

Lounging on his favourite chaise near the low fire burning, S'jiro rested his eyes, having just gotten out of the bath now that drills were over. It was nice to lay there, enjoying some peace and quiet, but for the first time probably... ever, the quiet of his weyr started to bother him. His weyr, meticulous and well furnished as always, was missing one thing: Veyani. Arm thrown over his face to hide his eyes, S'jiro's own subconscious began to realize that much sooner than he; until finally, he started thinking about her.

It had been less than a day since they'd visited with one another. There was no real reason for him to miss her presence as much as he seemed to, right then; and truth be told, it had been much longer since he'd been to the Bronzer's lounge to spend time outside of practice, with his wingmates.

Word must really be getting around this time... since most of his free time now, he tried to spend with Veyani as they were able, the Bronzers, but also his Wingmates, must have started noticing his prolonged absence in that regard.

But! S'jiro had been wholly selfish in this matter of Love. All he could see now, was Veyani. He would have to ask their forgiveness later.

Indylari did not fool herself into believing anything. S'jiro had been conveniently busy since the night they talked. There were plenty of rumors swirling about to confirm what she had already known. While she understood his need for companionship, she also considered that he had not been spending time with his friends. Not that it would be heartbreaking for her if he had found someone to occupy him but she wondered if he had thought about the consequences for the unfortunate girl.

However well he thought his relationship was going, it couldn't be serious. If it was there was nothing she could do about it now. The only people who had any say in their engagement were far away. Indylari could handle all of it really but she thought it would be good if they were open and honest.

As long as everything worked out in her favor why should she really care? (Yes, the world does revolve around her... in case you were wondering) She had completed some tasks for the Headwoman and gone home to change before she went to see S'jiro. She wore a turquoise colored dress and her hair was braided into a long braid. Her golden bangles on her wrists matched the more delicate ones on her right ankle. Her shoes were more like slippers and she was in every way in casual wear.

Knocking on his door, she waited for permission to enter.

(Indy, jq loves the outfit. We're going shopping together. Sister! )


Well, S'jiro would have to argue that point of Indy said anything about the world reviving around her instead of him. And quite honestly, even if they were both being selfish in their own way, of the two of them, S' jiro was definitely the more deserving; because of the two of them, he was the only one whose actions were purely from the heart. Though, maybe foolishly so.

Thinking that perhaps the knock at the door might be Veya, S' jiro told of the chaise lounge to get up and hurry to the door. Of course, when he got there, opening the door to find his fiancee on the other side, his earlier buoyant heart started to sink.

Eyes meeting hers momentarily, he didn't consider just how rude his immediate response probably was, that greeted her. "Oh. "

Of course, the two of them had known each other now for some time, so it could just as well be that formalities were easily forgotten between them.


Though! Surprised, immediate response were always the most honest, weren't they? ... And in this case that wasn't very encouraging.

Opening his mouth again, he left the door wide for Indy to enter. Turning from her to go back to laying down on his lounge chair, he left it up to her if she wanted to close the door behind her or not. "What did you come here for? "The words were merely conversational, not accusing.

Indylari was used to him not treating her with formality but she was not used to being treated as indifferently as she was being treated now. What was she supposed to say to that? Oh. Like, oh its just you, not the person I was expecting. Which of course led her to believe it was that farm girl he was hoping to see at his door. She did not mind his infatuation with the other girl which only further capitulated her belief that she was not in love with her fiance. She didn't feel anything at all whereas he clearly had feelings about her and not the loving kind at all.

She closed the door behind her softly. If they were going to talk there was no reason for the rest of the Weyr to have to hear it. When had she ever asked for anything from him, she wondered, to have a question like that thrown at her?

"You've been busy..." She said without commenting on why. "I just thought I'd come by and talk with you." She sat in one of the chairs near where he laid down on his chaise lounge. "I know that you are infatuated with, " She paused because she almost said farm girl, "Veyani."

Indylari didn't give him a moment to deny or agree with her statement, "And I wanted you to know that I'd never ask you to break it off with her but you cannot ignore your other obligations, to the other Bronzeriders, to your wing." She wouldn't dare say to her after what happened the other night but he might well see it that way.

Yeah, S'jiro knew Indy loved to be in his company -especially just to gossip. So, before she went on, he had already decided what this whole visit must be about. Unless, that was, she had changed her mind about his advances toward her the other day, after hearing that he'd made things with Veyani all the more official. Maybe Indy was getting jealous?

Eh. But somehow he doubted it.


The Bronzerider had been about to sit down again though, when, instead, hands slid into pockets, rocking back on his heels for a moment, in place, deliberating as to why she thought she should come to lecture him. Anyway, he didn't really feel like getting cozy, with her in the room, after that. So, S'jiro stayed standing, turning to face her more fully.

At length, watching her expression where she was, S'jiro considered several responses, testing them in his mind, before finally deciding on just what he should say. And the longer he was stopped to think about it, the more upset he started to feel about what little she'd said. He almost didn't even hear what she'd said after the part about not asking him to set Veyani aside, because that's the part that really got to him. ...Because he'd already had time to think through that part, too.

"Indylari... I don't think it's possible that you will ever be able to understand the kind of person Veyani is. You may be okay with accepting that, were we to marry now, you would only come in second place; because Veyani's still there. But Veyani would never allow herself to be cheapened like that. Not to be only second-place, and not to be just some ex-Holder's Son's Mistress."

Letting those words linger a moment, he went on, "Nor would I like her to be either of those things. For that purpose, I'm breaking off our engagement, Indy. To be with Veya." To be quite honest, he didn't feel like he needed to say anything further until he let that news start sinking in.

She had no desire to deal with his mood or whatever he wanted to call it. Indylari was however, surprised by his sudden speech. Apparently what she had said was being ignored. Oh, the young farm girl was special, wasn't she? Indylari could feel the corners of her mouth turning slightly upward.

It was amusing that he would fall for someone he would have previously done his best to avoid. It was almost comical really. Indylari had nothing against Veyani except she didn't associate with people of her...station...in life. Indylari was choosy, even at the Weyr, with whom she spent time with.

Where his words probably would have hurt another person, she felt a bit relieved. It must have shown on her all to expressive face. If he didn't want to be associated with her, then she wouldn't have to be embarrassed by him having a lover. "I see. Well, I hope you are happy with her." The words were heartfelt but she doubted he had thought his little plan all the way through. He probably hadn't thought past making sure Indylari knew she had no claim on him.

It also left her free to be pursued by someone more chivalrous. Someone who would worship the ground she walked on because despite what S'jiro might think, she considered herself to be up on a pedestal. Something to be admired and loved from a distance.

"Have you told your parents? And are you going to be telling mine?" She asked, ascertaining the details. If he thought there were not men at the Weyr she had been tempted to be with, well, let him think that. She could be tempted and say no. She had self control.

Honestly, S' jiro hadn't thought Indy would take his news as calmly as she had. On top of it, out seemed as though she was speaking genuinely when she wished him happiness. He began to wonder if the girl had been as against the whole arranged as he had been...?

Well, even if S' jiro couldn't understand her clearly, the bronze rider had always felt she was a distant kind of person. Maybe that love and admiration thing from a distance was better for her then. .. S' jiro just couldn't look forward to that kind of relationship with a spouse anymore. Distant love just seemed so cold. With Veya at his side, there was warmth. Close, snuggly, warmth.


Though he never regressed to answer any of her previous concerns, which he didn't think she needed to concern herself with, the bRonze rider Did jump straight to her question about just who was going to break the news to their parental units.

"Since this was all my idea, I will inform them. Both your parents and mine. "

"I hope you have thought this through." She said, trying hard not to sound condescending. It wasn't that she thought he was a dimglow but rather that unlike herself he seemed to be a bit impulsive. She didn't trust him to have thought about the consequences. "My parents will not be happy." No matter what she might feel herself. She would marry him to keep her parents happy and to keep her income and gifts flowing too.

Indylari might not love people but she loved expensive things. Jewels and gowns and shoes, anything to show off and make other people feel lesser. Unfortunately S'jiro's idea to break up, as much as she personally would feel better without him around, would cause her to lose some of her things. She didn't like the part where she would lose gifts and money. She needed them to support her.

It was no secret that S'jiro lived a the Weyr by his parents good graces before he Impressed and now that he was a rider, they supplemented his income and allowed for his sister Tsuki to stay and have a supplemented income as well.

"I would hate for either of us to lose our income..." Mostly she meant herself but she did feel bad for Tsuki. Relying on her brother to bring them income when he was obviously not taking her needs into consideration. Love did strange things to people. It was probably better not to fall in love.

Maybe the only thing that the two of them had in common, Indy and S'jiro, was that they were both selfish. They both loved material things -though in different ways- and they both enjoyed making others feel unremarkable standing next to them. They could have been the perfect couple, in that. In that alone.

But even though S'jiro didn't see it yet, Veyani had started to change his outlook on just what made him better than others. It was the slightest alteration of heart, but it was no less taking form. The Brownrider may only recognize any difference in himself when he was around Veyani, but that small Island of warmth that she'd become to him, could very well start to become something much greater within him.

Or perhaps not. It was just as possible that the spoiled, aristocratic son of a Holder would never change his attitude towards 'commoners'.

In this case though, his attitude was certainly changing toward Indy. Though she was not supposed to be 'beneath' him. She was supposed to be near his own level. And he hand to hand it to her; she knew how to keep mom and dad happy to keep the income steady -that was of course, par for the course.

Considering what the girl was saying, it made him feel no less remorseful over the decision he'd made. There were few things in life that he'd ever felt truly passionate about, and this was one of them. He felt like it might be something within his grasp now, and he couldn't back down from it now.


S'jiro had never really considered his own 'happiness' before, outside of the fact that he hadn't really desired to pursue a Holder's life. But that was different than happiness. Happiness could be found in many things, but nothing had ever really excited S'jiro enough to drive him to extremes like this; not to the point that he had ever truly considered outright defying what his parents had ever wanted for him. Yet, Veyani did that to him. Perhaps he wasn't really prepared to answer 'why' -that answer was probably beyond his comprehension for the time being.

All he knew is that he was truly very happy when he was with her. At least he thought that's what it was. When he was with her, he felt feelings he'd never felt before with a woman. It was something he wanted to continue to explore. And Veyani had helped give him the courage to do so. So, while he had a firm grasp on that courage, he wanted to act to preserve what he'd found with Veyani. He felt like this was all he could do, to meet that end.

"I'm not asking for anyone's approval right away. I'm sure it will be a shock to them all, at first. But eventually, they'll have to accept it; and my parents will have to accept Veyani. I'm going to take her to meet them. I'm in love with her, Indylari."

For a moment, S"jiro sat frustrated at Indy's thought that their parents might stop all their financial support to them here at the Weyr, but... with that courage still remaining to bolster him, he tried to act indifferent. At least, he could act indifferent for now, but he would get used to it, and soon it wouldn't be an act. S'jiro could stand on his own two feet at the Weyr. "My parents can do what they want to do with their marks. I'm okay here, on my own."

Holding back an eye roll and a sigh, she realized he hadn't really taken into consideration what the consequences might be. "We might need to discuss this more in depth then. S'jiro, you have thought about what might happen after you have told them right?" Disowned. Cut off. Never speaking to parents again. She could see her own discarding her and seeing her as used.

"If you haven't thought this through and your parents put pressure on you, what will you do? You need to think about it. If this is about your happiness can you honestly say that you could give up everything about your life prior to coming to the Weyr? Can you give up your family too? They might disown you. The Weyrwoman's father disowned her and to this day will not speak to her." She was not trying to be bossy, although really it couldn't be helped when he was determined to act like a child.

Honestly she was having trouble grasping how he could plan on talking to their parents without really thinking about the future and all possible ends. Did she want him to stay with her? No. Were they in a position that might take a lot of time to get out of, yes.

Indylari knew her parents well enough to know that she would have to have another serious marriage proposal or they would have to consider her a fallen lady. Since she had been operating under the pretense that she was engaged, she had been a good young woman. She never flirted with the men of the Weyr. She'd been actually very good about acting like she wasn't available. And that might have landed them both in a worse position. Well hindsight was always so perfectly clear.

"Its not my place to pry into your life with Veyani but from what I know of her, she is very young and naive. Do not give her hope when you are not absolutely certain you could give up everything in your past for her. Because if you cannot, you will break her heart."

Indylari did not normally voice her opinions or concerns to people. Most people saw Indy as aloof but she was so self conscious of her own thoughts that she rarely would say what she was thinking. What people thought of her was of high importance. However, when it came to her future, she felt she had to speak up. This wasn't just about him.

What about her? What about what could happen if he didn't do this right? And while she could sympathize that Veya might be the worst off after S'jiro was done, he couldn't pretend that this wouldn't affect her. Just because she wasn't upset did not mean she was going to be okay with the consequences.

"Indylari," The Bronzerider said somewhat flatly. "I think you are trying to persuade me from the wrong angle -your angle. I already told you, my parents can do whatever they like with their marks." S'jiro'd already decided that he was going to experience life all over again, with Veyani.

He was already determined to find out what it was like to live life on the farm by spending some time with her family. He wanted to see what gathers were like with only cheap alcohol selections, pot luck meals and country dances on dirt floors covered in hay where performers consisted only of local harpers. S'jiro was curious about Veyani and thus, he wanted to experience all of the things that she had experienced before coming to the Weyr.


Quite frankly, the Bronzerider was tiring of hearing Indylari try to lecture him on something he didn't care about at the moment. His heart was set on Veyani; that's all he could see. Couldn't she understand that?! Well, he wasn't willing to argue any of it. "I'll tell them about my decision and then give them a little time to get used to the idea that I've decided to be with someone else. Once they've calmed down, I'm sure they'll realize how silly this who Betrothal was in the first place, and be more accepting of my decision."

Plopping himself down on the chaise lounge, one leg relaxed down the length of it while the other foot rest on the floor to the side, he made himself comfortable once more. "It's my marriage anyway; it's not as though who I choose to be with should matter to them anymore. They have other children to marry off, who aren't at the Weyr. Not to mention, they're too proud of having a Bronzerider in the family. No matter how displeased they were, they wouldn't disown me seeing as though there's the chance that Zemarith could win a Queen's flight one day, making me Weyrlead, or Weyrsecond."

Laying his head back, S'jiro exhaled deeply, closing his eyes, trying to soothe his nerves, because the more Indy talked, the more irritated he found himself becoming. And the more he wanted to visit with him parents and tell them about his decision already; he just wanted to get it over with.

She kept in a few rude and rather unwarranted remarks about his thinking. Indylari didn't think he understood what she meant at all. He thought she was trying to persuade him to do this her way, well of course she was. His way was going to end in disaster. Indy learned long ago to let her own feelings get brushed aside and allow those of stronger opinions to take over.

And all this talk about marriage to a girl he just met was odd too. He really wanted to rush right into marriage with someone he did not know. Maybe he had gone crazy? Well Indy did not think it would much matter. They would allow him to have his fun. She would be held to the same deal as before and when he was supposedly done with his fling they would remind him of his obligation which he would then have to deny.

What was in it for her? Really? Indylari had no plans to leave the Weyr. Even if she didn't Impress, she liked the Weyr. She just didn't like being poor. Not so much poor, more not being able to have beautiful things to adorn herself with. Or decorate her living space with.

Hopefully his way worked. If their parents were not convinced though, they would blame her at least for a little while. But why should she want to be with someone more selfish than she was? "Best of luck to you with all of that. I'm just going to see my way out." She said abruptly and took that moment to leave. She wasn't waiting for a response and she knew better than to argue.

It was probably all for the better that Indy kept her thoughts to herself. S'jiro wasn't really in a mood to listen to it. He'd just have kicked her out of his weyr all the sooner. 

Privately, the Bronzerider wondered just how he and Indy ever pretended to get along so well. It was all a farce in his mind. He supposed though, that adults had their own games of pretend; ones that seemed more ridiculous to him than those of children. Uhg! What would life be like if he and Indy had to get married, at this rate? S'jiro almost gave a shake of his head to dismiss the thought.


Coming to a stand though, as Indy wished him luck and turned to see herself out, he followed her to the door; if not just to make sure it was closed on her way out, though he didn't want to be completely impolite.  "Yeah. Well. I guess you'll be hearing how it turns out as soon as I've had the chance to tell them."

With that, he figured he'd better find an opportunity to go visit with him family in person. He didn't want to deliver this kind of news by letter. They would need some time to talk things through.